weird in edgewise

S.A.D.?

2012-01-22T21:12:00.000-05:00

Not sure what's up, but one thing I know for sure it that it's the traditional flat-to-sad time of year, emotionally.

For starters, one of my favourite pod-mates has left for greener pastures. And post Christmas, I'm left feeling a bit weary of the growing-company b.s. scene - meaning the b.s. that tends to flourish when a little itsy bitsy company experiences a lot of growth over a short time.

Plus I'm just weary of taking so much mediocre direction from the overconfident and inexperienced. At this point in my career, I don't feel like humouring newbies who feel like playing copywriter. Just let me do it, eh. Plus I just need some time away from the masses at the office. It's a rather open area, and writing in the land of interuption is difficult and it all makes me not want to save my vacation days and it makes me want to leave the city for somewhere quieter and less liney-uppey. And it'd be nice for us to see our families a bit more often.

Bitch, kvetch, whine.

On the bright side, I've been walking. This is the month of walking and walking. Last year, I resolved to walk instead of taking the bus, and this year, I've successfully kicked it up a notch by extending my walk by one subway station. My 35-40 minute tromp along the quiet streets in the dark, listening to my (new!) ipod, is just so good. I also discovered it's got a pedometer, and it's making it super easy to reach my 10K-step/day goal.

Just like with cycling, if my daily exercise is also my transportation, it's really no problem getting it in there. Plus it's truly good for my soul.

All's well. I just feel like shaking things up. Not wise to do so without a plan, so I'm starting to plan. Yeah!

I pause

2012-01-02T20:56:00.000-05:00

PS: As for starting a blog about menopause, I'm thinking about it still. But it occurs to me that this, weird in edgewise, is that blog.

I started it the year I was turning 45, about to exit the desirable 18-44 demographic. I was starting a fulltime job because M3I and I were both freelance and in our mid-40s, with a young kid, and as we entered middle age, it was time to add some stability and benefits to our income. I ended up with a boss who was much younger and less experienced, I'd just lost an elderly relative, I was noticing that I never got, er, checked out any more. Not that I was looking for it, obviously, but exiting that demographic means you have to deal with being "formerly hot". And being formerly hot also meant a new era of being extremely hot.

Primarily, I want to get across one important point: age 44, 45, 46, 47 or 48 is not too early to go through menopause. I know people perhaps think they're trying to make me feel good - oh you're so young! - by saying that it seems too soon, but really, you're just making me feel like there's something wrong with me when there isn't. Maybe they'd just like me to never mention it. Which isn't going to happen. If I detect queasiness about "women's issues", I'm going to talk about them. Women exist. So get a grip.

It looks like I'm close to being permanently on "pause". Hope so, anyway.

Because it's about bloody time for Auntie Flo to pack up her bags and go.

More evolutions, revolutions and resolutions

2012-01-02T19:50:00.001-05:00

I read The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin, over the holidays, and it's inspired me to continue on my road to getting my shite together. I'm not totally concerned about feeling "happy"; it didn't seem that Gretchin Rubin was unhappy; that wasn't the point (in my opinion). Like me, I think she just wanted to kick it up a notch.

Plus I found that she and I have a little tiny bit of St. Teresa kismet. She discovered along her journey that she was finding inspiration in St. Thérèse of Lisieux; I recently found inspiration in another St. Teresa (of Avila) who has a wonderful a quote on patience, which I sought out and found one busy, exasperating day at work: Patience achieves all that it strives for. What I glean from this is that if you need patience and work to try to be patient, you get some. The idea, at the time I needed it, was like putting a good anti-itch cream on a mosquito bite. It also made me feel like St. Teresa likely'd had a pretty good inkling of the intense irritation I was feeling.

On that day, I was striving to not yell at someone who was driving me crazy. Gretchin's St. Thérèse had a similar situation and rose above it beautifully.

Back to New Year's resolutions and The Happiness Project. I'm quite happy with how my decluttering efforts through 2011 have evolved into a routine of culling, sorting, and taking stuff to Goodwill. And I'm happy generally with most things in my life.

Having time over the holidays to read and think inspired me to come up with even more resolutions. I've even listed them (including the four previous) all together in my notebook.

I just did one of my new ones: Use "alone time" to play the piano. I got my Grade IX way back when, and even took lessons in my first year of university. I loved playing and even though I've had a long phase where I didn't feel like I missed it, well, I do now, lately.

So when M3I and Charlie out to get provisions for dinner, instead of my slipping into my annual usual sadness-fest mourning the end of the holiday, I zipped over to the piano and played just a bit of the music that's currently sitting on the stand. I'm rusty, but I haven't completely lost it. Made me happy.

Onward.

My favourite faces

2011-12-30T18:44:00.001-05:00

Having this week off between X and NY is a true gift. My employer, Jobsite I, gave us the whole week off, paid. Paid. PAID! Whenever I dream about going back to freelance, I try to remind myself of having paid time off, give my head a shake, and then go get some prescriptions filled and make a dentist appointment.

My favourite thing about the week is the precious time that my lil family and I get to just hang with each other. Charlie and M3I are playing Gnip-Gnop behind me on the floor. Next up, marbles. It also gives me time to just look, nay gaze, at their beautiful, handsome faces.

No, I'm not drunk. Unless you mean on love <3

New Year's Revolutions

2011-12-28T19:22:00.001-05:00

Okay. Life's good. Work's good. Family's good. The decluttering of 2011 has gone great, with lots of good stuff to come. In many ways, I feel like I'm On The Right Track. But it's so much fun to progress and grow, right? Here's what I want to do or improve in 2012.

#1. Get rid of my back pain by strengthening the hell out of my abdominal muscles. With physio and massage, I'm on the right track. For example, I can roll over in bed again. Pretty good for a 48-year-old, eh? Got to beat this. Because if I've had to go to freaking physio just to be able to roll over in bed at this age, I've got a ways to go. 2012 is the year of the abs.

#2. Continue the decluttering. Done in 2011: Charlie's closet (which was full of my office stuff), my bedroom closet, my clothes, the china, books, excess craft material, and so many, many magazines. All cleaned up. To do in 2012: cull photos, declutter under the bed, get office stuff (which is organized) into filing cabinet drawer.

#3. What was it again? I was just going to google ab exercises, and, M3I just gave me a bite of turkey, and what was it. Oh yeah. Focus on focus. I think I'm a pretty good editor and copywriter, but all my working life (which includes school), I've struggled with maintaining my focus. It's like running. If I can make myself work solidly for about 10 or 15 minutes, I'm in the groove, I'm engaged and productive. But the internet, that wonderfully diabolical distractinator, is becoming a problem for me.

#4. Start a blog about menopause.

Stay tuned.

A tonic for a writer

2011-12-22T10:52:00.000-05:00

The tonic? Occasional solitude.

I'm working from home today, as I'm on Charlie drop-off and pick-up duty, which also means I'm not in the office until the new year and I have to say this is a major, major treat! While I loove my colleagues and podmates, I truly do, and feel very lucky, truth is throughout my life I've craved and needed time alone and I've had very little lately. The company's gotten so big over the past two years, and from time to time I just need a buffer from people.

A buffer, like for example a door, which unfortunately due to the collaborative nature of our work, ain't ever going to happen. So I use my headphones as a buffer. Most of the time I'm not even listening to music. But especially when I'm writing I need just a leetle bit of uninterupted time. Please. I beg you.

So my small bit of ettiquette advice to those out there, if you work with a copywriter and she's got her headphones on, come back later. Even 10 minutes later will help a lot. I promise you your work will get done a lot faster.

Happy Solstice! Let there be light, indeed!

Brittany Murphy's Ba-BOOM zinger

2011-12-20T19:49:00.003-05:00

The late Brittany Murphy is back in the news again. Every time her name comes up in the news, I think of this Letterman appearance, when she delivered this fabulously catty double-barrelled zinger about her ex-boyfriend's new relationship with Demi Moore.

Oh yeah! Ba-BOOM! Then she wraps it up with, "He was always a really big Bruce Willis fan." ZING!

Simplify this sweet season

2011-12-16T14:09:00.000-05:00

I love the Christmas season (usually when I'm about 75% done my shopping). I definitely romanticize it, but I just the whole mood and atmosphere. Of course, the only way I can get to this point is by letting certain things just not get done. For example, Christmas cards.

As much as I love them, with work being so busy for both me and M3I, and with a 2-hour commute (including to and fro), I realize with the wisdom that comes with being outside the target demographic, that I can't do it all. I can't accept every invitation - even for stuff I really want to go to - the fact is, I'd rather spend as much time as possible at home with Charlie and M3I, wrapping presents, having hot chocolate, being silly, maybe listening to Johnny Mathis, and then turning off all the lights but the ones on the tree.

Other simplification strategies: I'm cancelling 99% of my email newsletters. Since I write them, I like to subscribe to them to see what other people and companies are doing. But my inbox runneth over, so I'm unsubscribing and opting out.

Also, between my brothers, we just buy gifts for the kids (and the grandparents).

Even an inkling of feeling overwhelmed sucks the joy out of what really can be a lovely, special time of year. I think that's a good indicator: the beginnings of feeling overwhelmed. A good sign to take measures to get control of a situation.

That's all. I'm just feeling happy. I better get back to work so I can leave on time to night and zip into Oink Oink and get a cute tea set for my adorable 3-year-old niece.

Remembering Bruce MacDonald

2011-12-14T21:41:00.001-05:00

Bruce died just over a year ago, and he's in my thoughts tonight. As my friend Lynne writes, there's lots of focus on bullying these days. Also, I happened to watch the wretched Rick Perry's unbelievable ad today, bizarrely called "Strong" (I ain't linking to it, especially in a post about Bruce).

I'm going to re-post what I did last year. Here 'tis:

A good man is gone - we as a society need to do better

We're all trying to figure out why Bruce chose to end his life. But I don't know what he, personally, was going through. All I know is that it had to be pretty bad.
I found out some of his thoughts when I spent several hours later that night reading his blog, Canuck Attitude [update: which, unfortunately, was taken down soon after his death]. This post, in particular, was so full of pain, sadness, rage and disappointment it made me weep for him and every person who's gone through anything like what he describes.

Here's just a bit:
There was a time when I couldn't see myself living beyond sixteen because I couldn't believe that a life so full of hurt, actually it wasn't just the hurt, it was the hatred that was directed toward me that made me feel that maybe being born wasn't such a great thing after all.

Imagine that, eh. You're you. And you're making your way through your childhood and youth, learning that a significant proportion of the world hates you. You've done nothing to deserve it. Nothing!

He also said,
As much as I'm impressed and heartened by Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project and the incredible response it has generated, I can't shake the feeling that all we are doing is patting kids on the head and sending them back to the dungeons while telling them to be patient. I'm sorry, but that's still a kind of tacit approval of bullying.

No Surrender

Bruce designed this flag, put it on his blog, and encouraged people to copy it. In his words, "This flag has no meaning beyond declaring self-purpose about one’s individuality. It’s a testament to the fact that no matter what, we all have to get up every morning and live in and share this place no matter who we are."

How cool is this?

2011-12-14T11:00:00.003-05:00

YOU can light up a wee light on the tree at Union Station by sharing.

Watch live streaming video from canadiantire at livestream.com

More letting go of things - they're just things, right?

2011-12-13T21:11:00.000-05:00

2011 has been the year of decluttering. Still a ways to go, but holy smokes, what progress.

Every couple of weeks this year, I've been able to take 2 or 3 or 4 boxes of stuff to Goodwill or Salvation Army. It feels great!

The latest: I've culled a bunch of old photos. In the theme of keeping my favourites, I'm dumping the extraneous, or else the number I have will continue to take up valuable space. Space I want to be empty.

I also finished cleaning out my bedroom closet. I've got roughly 1/3 the number of pairs of shoes I had. The shelves above the rack have my sweaters and cycling clothes, neatly stacked and organized.

And here's the bit I'm most proud of: all the clothes in my closet are items that
a) fit
b) I like

That's basically the first time in my life it's ever been that way. Sure makes getting ready in the morning easier and more positive.

Almost all of my jewellery is out, where I can see it, so now I wear it. Necklaces are hanging on hooks along the wall above my dresser, or on an iron candelabra my brother made me years ago.

Scarves and belts are on the back of the door.

Got rid of my crappy old socks and I actually have enough bras - quite a few, actually, in different colours. ALL Liz Claiborne.

And last weekend, I dropped off some BIG stuff, emotionally:
My bubbie's dress - the one she wore to my parents' wedding. I kept it for awhile. Tried it on a couple of times - we sure were different shapes! Then I decided to give it to a consignment store - because it's quite in style again - it's beautifully made, a lovely turquoise, and was made in 1961.

But as a few months passed, and I didn't go to the hip consignment stores again and again, I decided last week to send it to my two favourite stores mentioned above. I have found so many great treasures at those stores, like my long tweed Brooks Brothers coat, and I just started picturing someone coming across this dress and getting it for a steal, and it made me happy.

And don't tell me the staff grabs stuff for themselves. Truth is I don't care whether it's just a rumour or whether it's true. Plus I've found enough treasures to know that tons of great stuff gets onto the racks - which is why I love those locations and why others do too! (My Goodwill was in the Scott Pilgrim movie, oh yes it was - which means I'm much hipper than I even realize.)

I also dropped off my old, though pristine, high school ski team jacket. It's rather cool and kinda gorgeous, but I look like a dork in it. No way a 48-year-old woman should be wearing stuff that's not just reminiscent of her high school days, but actually has the school name on it and the big Broncos logo on it. Also in that bunch of stuff, a velvet teal 1950s dress that belonged to my mom and will make some quirky young 20something very happy (it seriously doesn't fit me - mom's shorter in the body than me), and the dress my mom wore to my brother's first wedding.

I just have to keep reminding myself it's a process.

2011-12-06T18:44:00.000-05:00

Folks, if you're "for" this hateful "Go back to where you came from" post & email that's been going around like a bad smell, give your freaking head a shake.

How come? Well, lotsa reasons. The least significant reason is that the Australian Prime Minister didn't actually say it, so it's a made-up quote, pandering to xenophobes and trying to convince people that being an asshole is patriotic. Check it out on Hoax-slayer.com if you feel like it. There's lots of hateful stuff on there, created by people who want to legitimize their xenophobia and racism.

More imporantly, you should give your head a shake because the whole thing is simply about hate. If you're all about hate, then I'd like you to go back to where you came from, which is under a big wormy rock. But if you're not, read this bit again and give your head another shake, because if you've ever sent this thing to anybody or posted it on facebook, you're an idiot.

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'

'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'

Nice, eh?

Now look around you. Maybe even look at your list of facebook friends. Look at your co-workers. Look at your clients and customers. Look at some of your family members. I think you might owe a few of them an apology.

Never mind that Australia, like many countries in the developed world (Hello Canada!) wasn't actually founded by your fellow whities. It was really "founded" by the folks who lived there first - ya know, the first peoples. In fact, Australian Aboriginal culture goes backat least 50,000 years.Then the so-called Christians came along and screwed them over big time 200 years ago. 50,000 years versus 200 years. And guess who wants the newcomers to leave. Yep, the so-called Christians. Yeah, Jesus woulda liked that, eh? Not bloody much.

My friend Lynne has weighed in on this too - in X is for Xenophobe. One of the many reasons I love her.

Hatred's a big commodity out there these days. It's fun, cool, and profitable to court the powerful, and to pander to the majority. Give some thought to your actions and beliefs. This "go back to where you came from" bullshit panders to the powerful, the incurious and those too lazy to get to know anybody who's not exactly like them. It's got nothing to do with who "founded" this country.

Just ask the folks in Attawapiskat. They were here first. The big white (so-called) Christian majority isn't embracing their now-fucked-over culture, are they.

Effective, chilling, or just way too creepy?

2011-11-30T14:32:00.002-05:00

Check out the Heart & Stroke Foundation's new campaign -- Make Death Wait -- this is the TV ad that "targets" women. Women who are usually outside the target demographic, eh. It's called "Death Loves Women".

It's chilling for sure. Literally, for me. I got goosebumples. However, I've also had to hide from someone before, and this is in trigger territory.

It's true that many women (& men! - check out the ad targetted to them) take care of everybody but themselves, and I like that they address this. And heart disease runs in my family, and I'm trying hard to make time to get some sort of cardio in every day.

So the ad does make me think about doing stuff for my heart health, because I truly do want to make death wait. There's apparently a print ad out there somewhere that says "Death Loves Menopause". I'll post it when I find it.

I found it! See below*.

But the stalker trigger thing seems a bit emotionally expensive. I wonder how it would play with a female voice.

Thoughts?

*Thanks to Sextherapistintraining for posting this (& I appreciate your option of it!) - I'd heard about it, but could not find it elsewhere. Here it is, "Death Loves Menopause".

My response: F**k you, Heart and Stroke Foundation. Or, rather, your oh-so-cutting-edge marketing company. We who live outside the target demographic have enough trouble being treated like we don't matter, or we're old hags, or we're the personification of ugly, but this makes it seem like we've got one foot in the crypt. Raising awareness about heart disease so we can do something about it is one thing, but just eff the fuck off with this. The thermostat. Jeezuz. Yep, hot flashes are always great for some yuks and lols at our expense. And what the hell is that rope for?

Happy campers camping: We got off our duffs and camped!

2011-11-27T18:59:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Charlie, we did get out camping yesterday before breakfast and stayed out in the big, quiet November park for all three meals.

Cereal, fruit and coffee for breakfast. Chicken sandwiches, noodle soup for lunch, and hot apple cider. After we hiked around and climbed the big hill in the afternoon, we had hot chocolate, and played Scrabble in the tent.

Then as it began to get dark, we heated up bean and lentil stew with rice. Since we ran around all day, we were hungry.

We got home after dark, happy, tired, a little wind burned. And smiling a lot. Made me want to spend lots of time outside all the time. I do get enthused like that. I camp for one day, I want to do it every weekend! Whether I do or not is another matter, being human and all.

It's just so darn good to get off our duffs and out into the world. It was fun even just to see all our camping stuff again. We barely even sat down all day, ya know? And that bean and lentil stew was incredible.

The tent. Fun to put up in the light. Count your pegs if you're going to take it down in the dark.

It was a gray day, damp, but not too chilly or windy. Nice. We walked for awhile along the trail.

This log graveyard just begged to be in black and white.

A field of burrs along the Rouge River (more like a creek, imho).

A chat beside a yurt.

A tree, confused by all the warm weather, blossoms.

I can't resist taking pics of berries...

... and branches...

... and branches.

;)

We be campers

2011-11-25T19:33:00.000-05:00

For months and months, Charlie has been planning a camping trip. And we just haven't done it. Busy, adult excuses, we don't have time, blah-blah-blah. He's decided it's got to happen. And we've decided it's not very nice to keep saying we're going to do it and then not doing it.

So tomorrow, we're going camping! We're heading out super early (for a Saturday morning, that is), heading out to a great big conservation area, hiking in, pitching the tent, cooking breakfast, lunch & dinner(!) on our camping stove, and then just before actual bedtime, we'll come home. (Can't actually stay overnight in that park this time of year, and we don't actually have winter gear.)

The camping gear is all over the living room, the menu set, shopping's been done, and we're just negotiating with Charlie to be allowed to sleep in til at least 7:30.

Should be fun! Stay tuned.

Do you have an assistant? 8 simple tips to make her work better, starting with give your head a shake

2011-11-23T10:25:00.001-05:00

I took the subway today with a couple of neighbours, and along the way we ran into a friend of one of them. She's a legal secretary and her boss is a psycho jerk asshole. She hasn't taken any vacation days this year. And he insists that he can't do without her for even a day. In the past two years, she's only taken 3 sick days. She's in her mid-50s (outside the target demographic, natch), she's worked for a lot of different lawyers over many decades, and this guy is the worst. She does not need this shit. I'm telling you, she's in such a bad way she can barely talk about it.

Also, did you know that most law firms don't provide short-term disability? One of this woman's colleagues had cancer last year. She used all her vacation time for her treatment. The rest was unpaid. Nice!

So for the folks out there who are fortunate enough to have an assistant (not just lawyers, eh), please answer the following questions (do it yourself):

1. Have you given your head a shake lately? Which means, have you given any thought to what it must be like to be your assistant? Put yourself in that person's shoes for a minute. No, not literally. Come on, you can do this. Examine how you speak to her (or him), just for starters.

2. Does your assistant have any remaining vacation days left this year? What's that? A lot? If she's (or he's) got any left, encourage her (or him) to take them, give her time to arrange a holiday, and call in a temp so there isn't a mountain of your shite to clean up when she comes back.

3. Do you realize that your assistant's work day is all about you? What would that be like for you if it were the other way around. Use your imagination. What was the last thing you asked her to do. Now imagine it was your job to do that for her (or him).

4. Is your assistant having trouble keeping up with the work load? Find out why, with a mind to coming up with a way to help. The best way to do this ask your assistant what the best way would be. I bet you $1,000,000 (seriously, I have it) that your assistant will say, "can you bring in some effing help already, you stupid, willfully blind git?" Maybe not in so many words. But bring in another person.

5. Do you look over your assistant's shoulder much? Stop it. You're in the way, you're obstructing the work you want done, and she's fantasizing about killing you right about now.

6. How often do you remind your assistant about a task she does routinely? More than once? Stop it. You're in the way, you're obstructing the work you want done, and she's fantasizing about killing you right about now.

7. How much does your assistant make, salary-wise? How much did you get for your bonus last year? If it's more than what your assistant makes, then grab the nearest newspaper, and smack yourself across the face a few times, then call in your assistant and give her a 20% raise, retroactive to the date that she was actually supposed to have her last salary review.

8. Last, but not least, remember this: you and your assistant are just two humans. You're not actually above her or him in any way other than the corporate structure. You both poo, you're both gonna die, and you both occasionally go "awww" at videos like this one of a blind kitten playing with toys for the first time. Do something nice for your assistant. In fact, just do something for your assistant, instead of it always being the other way around.

Charlie's Marvellously Efficient PB&J Recipe

2011-11-20T13:14:00.000-05:00

Charlie invented a lunch recipe, called Sellgom's Piging Marmalade.

See official recipe below. (Note that Charlie wrote it with a real old-fashioned pen nib, dipping into a bottle of ink.)

Charlie and M3I have made it. See sample above. We are currently sampling it.

Hmm. Not bad, exactly.

Just a beautiful day in the not-so-smokey Big Smoke

2011-11-19T21:55:00.000-05:00

We took a nice little trip today, right here in the city, to visit my cousin.

We took the ferry to the Island.

Hope the horn's not too loud!

It's always neat to look back at the city.

Helloooo Cousin!

Let's walk along the boardwalk to...

The Rectory Cafe!

I had a bison burger. Can't show a picture of it because it's all eaten. Delicious!

Off we go. In style!

Beavers are damn busy.

To the fire station to see if our friend Brad is working today.

Nope.

Checking out the waves on the way back to Cousin's house. They're biggies.

Before we go inside to have some tea, let's look around.

Why, hello, Bottom!

Okay, let's go inside. It's getting chilly.

Ah. That's better. Time for tea & cookies.

After Cousin gave us tea & cookies, we headed back to the mainland.

A not-too-smokey day in the Big Smoke!

Graham, I found your keys

2011-11-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

I found a set of keys tonight on my bike ride home.They were in the middle of the intersection of King Street West and Peter. There's a tag that says "Graham".

Not sure what to do with them. One of the keys with a plastic holder (the car key) is broken - obviously a car rode over it.

I figured if Graham googled, "I lost my keys", maybe he'd find out I have them.

So, Graham, dude, if you can describe the tag, I'll send these to you.

What a drag to lose one's keys!

Books and bikes

2011-11-15T20:57:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow night we're going to a Public Consultation Meeting at our local library. The wretched Mayor Ford & Co. want 10% of the library budget CUT. Yes, in this rich, cosmopolitan city of ours, they want to cut library service.

They also want to close 4 museums. Way to get those tourists to come, eh. Meanwhile, the mayor's dufus brother proposes a giant ferris wheel and a monorail. Presumably for free. Cuz we gotta cut spending, right?

Make no mistake. It's not about spending or gravy or money. It's about an ultra-conservative ideology that says they stand for smaller government while at the same time spending money hand over fist on bullshit decisions like removing bike lanes, cancelling transit construction and plans, listening to citizens less and less, and exerting more and more unilateral control over decisions that should be made through public consultation and listening to our municipal representatives.

The removal of bike lanes is particularly upsetting. It cost more money to remove them than it did to install them. So the Fords have made the city less safe, saving no money, revealing their lie about being all about cutting "gravy".

Happily, our ward has a wonderful councillor, who doesn't need to be convinced that the things that make our city great should be celebrated, championed - and funded.

Nature and art, the art of nature, and a mid-life crisis. Maybe.

2011-11-15T16:57:00.001-05:00

It may be a mid-life crisis, but I think I had a wee bit of an epiphany over the weekend, early Saturday morning while the family was all asleep, and I looked out the window and watched the trees blowing in the wind (while I did my stretches for my back).

The particular tree that captivated me blew open my mind. As though I hadn't really looked at a tree before. Or, at least not in a long while.

I want more of that.

Don't get me wrong, I love the city. It's home. I love feeling connected. But I want some more of looking at the trees blowing in the wind. I've been craving a shake-up in my life - our lives. Longing for a bit of adventure. Longing for the smell of the woods and longing for a chance to look at the trees and feel the change in the seasons.

Not sure exactly what I'm going to do about this. But I do have an idea.

To be continued...

ElevenElevenElevenElevenElevenEleven

2011-11-11T11:17:00.001-05:00

I'm trembling - TREMBLING! - with excitement because I managed to grab this, from here: http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fullscreen.html?n=250&fmt=3457

Happy Nerd New Year, everyone!

Finished with Constance, not in the mood for Janet

2011-11-10T21:31:00.000-05:00

I need some reads!

I've finished up with my Constance Beresford-Howe-athon (read and loved A Serious Widow, Night Studies, The Book of Eve; gave up on Prospero's Daughter). I happened upon an ultra-large-print Janet Evanovich, and I'm just not feeling the love.

I may dip into an old Sue Grafton (just reread P is for Peril) to tide me over, but I need-need-need something I haven't read before.

Which means I'm open to suggestions. What have you read lately that you've loved and would like to recommend?

Two pains in the butt, a victorious friend and some schadenfreude

2011-11-09T20:02:00.001-05:00

No, I most definitely should NOT be on the computer tonight! I've messed up my lower back in a big way, and the cause? Sitting at my too-high desk at work (it's also rather high at home too), sitting pitched too-far forward, my head leaning toward the computer screen, clinging with one foot on the bottom posty thing that leads to one of the wheels, on a too-big, over-praised Aeron chair.

However.

I'm feeling happiness for a friend who has scored a really cool new job. She's been working for a toxic boss for some years now, but has handled herself with grace and class, putting all her energy into improving her qualifications by taking courses, learning from other people in her company and working damn hard.

The icing on the cake is a bit of schadenfreude, I'm guilty to say I'm experiencing, largely as a former toxic-boss-haver, and also because her boss is a total pain in the ass. He's a Blamer-and-a-Claimer*. The pleasure comes with this: Her toxic boss is away on holiday, and he ain't scheduled to return til after she's gone. And he's unreachable. He-he-ho-ho!

My friend basically holds his department together; she really does. And she's been underpaid and underappreciated and overdelegated to and told time and time again that she's "not ready" for advancement, when she's essentially running his department.

La-la-la, we're very likely gonna see him hafta do some actual work, oh yeah. I hope, anyway.

*Blamer-and-Claimer: something good happens, this type of individual takes credit, especially when it's not due to his efforts; something bad happens, he lays blame elsewhere, most likely to the person on his team who's not in the room.

The medium is the massage

2011-11-04T14:03:00.000-04:00

I just had a kick-ass massage - holy smokes! The company occasionally brings in RMTs after very busy times. And this woman has just coaxed my left shoulder and "wing" back into its proper position. Amazing!

And, generally, I'm feeling a bit happier, my reduction in innocence notwithstanding.

I hear laughter around me, and kindness.

And the best thing to do when one is feeling the lack of kindness in the world? Add to it. Inflict some kindness around you.

There's always good news to be found in small pleasures

2011-11-02T19:15:00.000-04:00

Being a grown-up adult with decades of work experience, I've long known that even when things in the workplace are pretty great, there's always lots of unfairness going on. It's the way of the world. But I'm disillusioned today. Bloody hell.

Okay, on to happier stuff. I'm so crabby today about various things I can hardly stand myself.

The good news is that Charlie shares his Halloween candy. There's a bunch of stuff he doesn't like all that much, like Cheesies. He gave 'em to me. And, I'm uncomfortable to say, there's stuff he can't eat now because of his orthodontics.

So he had to give his last one of these to me.

Gawd, it was good.

Notice to men who hit

2011-11-02T12:04:00.001-04:00

If you're a fellow who has ever smacked, shoved, hit, belted, punched, or otherwise assaulted your wife or girlfriend, or partner, or mom, or sister, or daughter, be assured that whatever you did to her:

- She did NOT have it coming.
- She did NOT deserve it.
- Flowers or jewellery or apologies do NOT make up for it.
- You need to get yourself some HELP, and fast.
- If she leaves you or tries to get away from you, it's YOUR FAULT. Not hers.

No buts; nobody wants to hear your bullshit. Get yourself to therapy and deal with your issues. Because you're NOT in the right. You're totally, 100% in the WRONG.

How would you feel if you were afraid to go home?

Brace yourself

2011-11-01T19:20:00.000-04:00

The lad got braces today. Not the full train track experience, but an appliance that's cemented in on both sides of the top of his wee little mouth. And that's the issue, his wee little mouth with not enough room for all those incoming teeth. Same as his mother.

His mouth is aching, he's speaking a bit funny, and I can tell it hurts because he's being touchy about things that wouldn't normally phase him.

It may be silly, but I feel like crying. He's just 7 for Pete's sake. I had various achy appliances over nine years and so I know it's rotten. I hope for him it's worth it. We're putting a lot of faith -- and a lot of freaking money -- in the orthodontist.

That's all I got. Had a rotten day at work. Happy to be home with my dear, sweet Charlie and my beloved, strong, supportive M3I.

My sweet little love

2011-10-31T21:11:00.000-04:00

has become a monster ... AAAAAHHHHH!

And this is just a shot of a neighbour's spooky light; I like this a lot.

What employees want - attention VPs

2011-10-21T20:40:00.001-04:00

Attention VPs and Senior Managers.

Now that I've been in the working world for 30-odd years (part-time jobs in high school count), I have some advice for those folks who've "managed up" so successfully they've succumbed to the Peter Principle. Fortunately for me, I do know one manager who does not need to read this. But I sure have worked for plenty who sure do.

This is what employees want:

1. respect - you're not better than your employees; do not forget this

2. fair pay - which means, Joe, who's doing the same job as me, is making about the same; not a lot more, not a lot less

3. regular feedback on how we're doing - positive and constructive

4. regular salary increases - if we're doing a good job and if the company can afford it - if you get an increase, then the company can afford it.

5. a safe, comfortable work environment

6. loyalty in return for loyalty

7. trust - I can do my job without your looking over my shoulder

This is what we don't want:

1. insincerity - mantras and mission statements about transparency amid lots of secrecy

2. bullshit assumptions - don't assume you don't need to ask my opinion; don't assume I'm not busy; don't assume I give a crap about career path; don't assume I can take on all of the duties of an employee who was fired by you; don't assume you're smarter than I am because I report to you; don't assume your obsequious toady is telling you the truth about me

3. any illusions on your part that we are working for you for any reason other than for the money

4. any indication that you are forgetting #3

5. expectations of loyalty if you seem to be forgetting #3

All this being said, I'm very happy at work these days. I got a raise this week, and I'm damn pleased. I'm working with a whole bunch of smart, nice, hardworking, fair, decent people, doing work that's interesting. I love MY boss. Plus I sit near a window. And the coffee's great.

Of course, if I win the lottery, I'm outa there.

Which do you like better, knitting or crocheting?

2011-10-16T17:51:00.000-04:00

I bought* a hand-made scarf with lots of dropped stitches at the Sally Ann yesterday because I liked the wool- it that yarn that changes colours, which I don't always love, but this has gorgeous autumn colours, and I just liked it.

But I can't figure out what to undo to rip it out. I'm undoing it really slowly, but it's like taking out sewing. I'm not a knitter, but I sure know people who are. Can you help?

But my big question to you:

Which do you like better (and why)? Knitting or crocheting?

So far, personally, I like crocheting. It feels like you can just crochet your way across or around anything. My grandmother taught me to crochet, and that's what she always did, crocheting me several ponchos when I was a little girl. She herself learned to crochet using a button hook, which women and girls used to do up the buttons on their boots. My mom also crochets - beautiful gorgeous colourful blankets - tho she did teach me to knit at one point. I knit a scarf for my Barbie and that was it for knitting. The stress of not dropping a stich was too much for me at that point, I guess.

Meanwhile, here's my own crazy blanket, using Mom's scraps. (I went out yesterday and bought yard from a real yarn store yesterday. My first time at a real yarn store. Holy smokes$$$!)

*Note (& reason I love thrift shopping so much): The scarf was essentially free. In addition to shopping, we also dropped stuff off, which meant they immediately gave us a $5-off coupon if you spend $25. We were just short of the $25, so I grabbed the scarf. Our bill came to just $20 and change for a skirt, a Charlie Brown video, some navy blue sweat pants (cuz I'm going to start stretching in the morning, oh yes I am), a gum-ball machine, and a pair of funky Aldo shoes that Charlie picked out for me - and that fit!

'I just wish the Wall Street protesters would articulate what it's all about'

2011-10-15T22:52:00.000-04:00

... and other dumbass statements.

Okay, here's just a couple of pretty articulations for starters from the States (businessinsider.com):

CEO pay has skyrocketed 300% since 1990. Corporate profits have doubled. Average "production worker" pay has increased 4%. The minimum wage has dropped. (All numbers adjusted for inflation).

For conservative politicians who blab nostalgically about the good ol' days when citizens were largely God-fearing, flag waving, and jeewillikers you didn't have to lock your door at night, those were also the days of a very narrow income gap; hence the big middle class. When the wealth of folks is more evenly distributed, you have less desperation. And therefore less reason to lock your doors against those pesky, sometimes protesting, have-nots.

Check this out: "the top 1% of Americans own 42% of the financial wealth. The top 5%, meanwhile, own nearly 70%."

And lest we in Canada feel tempted to sneer smugly at the U.S., Stats Canada has put out some info gleaned from the (last full) 2006 Census revealing an increase in income inequality.³ Based on the median earnings of full-time, full-year earners between 1980 and 2005, the data show:

earnings increased by 16.4% for those in the top income group
earnings stagnated for those in the middle income group
earnings fell by 20.6% for those in the bottom group

It's bloody unfair. As the bottom group falls and falls, the top group (WAH-WAH-WAH!) doesn't want to pay their freaking income taxes.

The richest countries in the world, we are, and we're letting our people and our economies (so many poor people mean lots of people NOT going shopping, and lots of people getting sick cuz they can't afford preventative care) go down the toilet because we don't want to pay our fair share for our paved roads and warm hospitals.

So much for the bottom group. So much for their future and that of their children. Almost makes you want to protest.

(image from torontoist.com)

Monday night's the banjo

2011-10-14T13:12:00.000-04:00

I've got this tune in my head. Had it yesterday too. Am I the only one who remembers it from Grade 1 & 2?

Note that you have to be skipping rope with your friends on the playground at recess when you sing it.

Monday night's the banjo
Playing on the alleyo
I've got the rodeo
And I've got C.

C stands for Charlie
Funny funny Charlie
All the girls for Charlie
Kiss him good night

Good night, Sleep Tight.

Speaking of Charlie, they've recently learned hopscotch and foursquare in gym at school. Hurrah! This weekend, we'll be getting out the sidewalk chalk again for sure.

TGIF

No two days alike. Thank goodness.

2011-10-13T10:55:00.000-04:00

Funny how different I can feel about work from one day to the next. The past 6 weeks or so have been madness here at Jobsite I, and I've been writing copy like a demon (and, being officially off duty while writing here, will not be held responsible for grammar errors), even in my sleep, to the point where I feel like a sausage maker, just cranking it out.

And two days ago we had such a rotten meeting during which a VP crapped all over everything I and my colleagues had been creating for the past week. Of course, as these things often go, VP took the easy route as naysayer. And had no ideas to bring to the table, nor did he have any interest in actually building on what we'd created (which DID follow exactly what we'd been asked to do in the first place).

That evening at home, all I could think about what how I ain't getting paid enough to be shat upon by intellectually lazy naysayers collecting big paycheques, and I gotta get another job! Looking at job ads after a bad day is a great idea - it reminds you that there's a big ol' world out there. Possibly full of companies with annoying VPs, of course, but I don't let that take away my dreams.

The good news is yesterday was way better, people much more positive, including said VP, and we chugged out some really cool stuff. Walking home in the rain, all I could think was that I work with such great, kind, talented, hardworking people.

I still want more money, though.

Fashion LOL redux

2011-09-29T17:00:00.000-04:00

I know it's easy to poke fun at fashion - but let's!

Take the spring 2012 Marni collection (photos from fashionetc.com).

Fabrics, textures, colours and patterns - some lovely, some a bit whimsical and at the very least v. original. The shapes are a bit funny. Those slips or knickers, not sure. I love organza, and I love slips, and slips showing, so perhaps the beige might look nicer in real life.

But, sorry, these socks totally made my day - and my list of Fashion LOLz! (photo from style.com) Sometimes a fashion crime should remain a fashion crime and attempts to make them otherwise by putting them on the runway should be resisted.

Fashion LOLz!

Day by day

2011-09-28T23:17:00.000-04:00

Sheesh, I'm doing one hell of a lot of writing at work these days, and have little left for my little venue here. Plus, briefing meetings for new projects. It's all good stuff, actually, but with such short timelines some projects are over before I can enjoy them. The other good part is that most of the stuff I'm working on is with the teams I like, which means I'm getting to work with my favourite people, most of whom are smart, nice, organized, and prepared. Really! It's possible! If I'd have known three years ago that I'd be feeling this way about work, I'd have been a happier woman. And now I am one.

It's interesting work too. But man, my eyeballs are tired and dry, and my left hip and right shoulder are both inching along in the same cramped direction. Soon I'll be climbing the belfry to gong the bells.

On the way out the door this morning, I realized I needed a book for the subway, and grabbed A Serious Widow, by Constance Beresford-Howe. GAWD, I love her.

I'd like to include some quotes from this marvellous book, but it's after 11, and I'm going to squeeze out a bit more reading time from this not-to-terrible, albeit tiring, day.

One image at the 9-11 memorial

2011-09-16T21:50:00.000-04:00

Of all the coverage of the 10th anniversary of the September 11 attacks, this image, which I just came across, is the one that has broken the emotional dam for me. So much pain in that man, in his hand, covering his son's name. It's all he has of him, this space on the memorial, and it's taken a full decade for him to receive it.

My own dear, beloved, lively in living colour boy just helped me find my glasses so I could see this marvelous moonrise.

Now, off the computer I go, to have dessert with my son.

Channeling Little Richard

2011-09-15T12:05:00.000-04:00

Thx for the idea, Lynne. This is exactly how I feel in these golden brogues. Like running and dancing for joy!

You ain't lyin' baby.
Mmm-mmm!

I am a very silly woman

2011-09-14T20:50:00.000-04:00

I promise you that you will believe me when I show you what I just bought, and explain that I have been coveting these since the very moment I saw them, which was this spring, and it proves that I've been totally seduced by consumerism wherein an image or marketing campaign can create a need in you that you never knew you had, and that you in fact do not need.

But lo! Yonder shoes, which, upon my ridiculous soul, I am thrilled to have on my feet.

Fashion LOL

2011-09-10T22:00:00.000-04:00

Among the magazines I picked up from the library was a summer issue of Elle. A really great, mag, by the way, with lots of fab stuff to read and great photos and fashion, including some wonderful androgynous stuff, shot by James Franco (yep, he's a fashion photographer too).

But this takes the cake. Cute, right? I like the vest (I'm trying to figure out how to wear my velvet vest at the moment). But that skirt. That LOL skirt!

Let's just say it looks kinda familiar. I think I need a closer look at it.

Hmm. Lemme just go into my bedroom and get something. Ah, there we go.

It's the blanket my mom crocheted for me in 1981.

Now Let's check out the deets on that skirt. Maybe her Granny made it for her.

What's this then, Christopher Kane by etc., ... OMG!
LOL! LOL! Double LOL!

I feel like Lola

2011-09-10T16:40:00.000-04:00

... because I've got new shiny shoes!

Since my walking barefoot day, I've been keeping my eyes open for a replacement pair of wear-with-a-summer-skirt shoes that are good for walking.

On a little excursion to the big fountain on the corner (to make wishes and throw pennies), then to the coffee shop (for a chai latte, Naked Orange for C), then to Naot's basement (where the sale shoes are), I found them!

I am, in fact, wearing these comfortable lovelies right now. I have to wear a skirt on Monday cuz I've got these shiny new *quartz & silver* shoes. Feast your eyes:

Getting outa here (formerly "The bloom is off the rose")

2011-09-09T12:58:00.001-04:00

Okay, that's enough whining. I had lunch, showered, had another rest, and now I'm taking a little field trip to the library to get out into the world. It's gorgeous and alive out there. Library's only about 100 metres away, so off I go. For me, too much staying home sick breeds self pity. Going out!

~~Day 2 of being home sick. Wah. Tired of feeling crapola, neck stiff from coughing, and lying in bed, feeling less than useful in the world.~~

~~The bloom is off the rose to the point where I don't even want to look at that picture of my bed.~~

~~Still lovely sleeping the morning away though.~~

The joy of today in six parts

2011-09-08T19:18:00.002-04:00

1... guilt-free staying home.

I've been sick since Friday afternoon, but finally succumbed. No guilt, cuz I've worked my tail off this week, which has had the effect of making me sicker. Which isn't great, but the guilt-free staying home is.

2... sleeping from 9 til noon.

Then waking up, calling my boss to find out the stuff I was going to have couriered to me has been taken care of by one of my colleagues.

3... spending time doing zilch.

I got all kinds of ideas for different things. I wrote them down. Even colours schemes for what I want to crochet next.

4... sitting on my blue chair, crocheting from the scraps my mom gave me.

Talk about no pressure.

5... colouring.

Another no-pressure activity, good for restoring your creative juices. It's fun playing with different colours.

This, as well as the crocheting, is what's been occupying me during the times in the evenings when I'd normally be frantically reading-reading-reading jumping from blog to website to twitter to facebook as my son tries to get my attention. It's easier to put your crayons down (always inhale the smell of them first - ahhh).

6... listening to Charlie. I'm making him play for me in order to get dessert.

Nice, eh? Fair bit of time too, coughing up a lung and blowing my nose into old receiving blankets. But there's something to be said for a day of rest.

Want to add a tweet button?

2011-09-02T11:21:00.000-04:00

I should say, a tweet button without the cursed counter?

I found the instructions for adding a tweet button to an older blogger blog - I managed to do it last week, but couldn't find a way to get rid of the counter. I mean, I want to tweet now and again, especially if I'm passionately opining, but since this is a modest little blog, it looks rather pathetic to have 99% of the counters say Zero.

Here's the link to the Twitter instruction page for blogger. You can customize it right on the landing page - so very useful!

Monet morning

2011-09-02T07:53:00.000-04:00

The view out the window this morning. All the humidity, pollen and smog in the morning sunlight. So beautiful. Like Monet's smoggy London.

Last night, I arrived home to find tenderloin sizzling on the stove and Charlie standing on the top step of the stepstool in the kitchen. He was really and truly helping M3I make dinner, and was proud and excited. He'd help to chop salad ingredients, and spun the lettuce, he'd sprinkled sesame seeds, he was going to cook the pasta!

A delicious dinner, with Charlie himself barely able to eat it, as he anxiously asked me again and again if it was good, and which part was the best. His proud face was bliss.

Delight was just around the corner...

2011-08-31T21:15:00.000-04:00

... after I angrily stomped home from the subway, getting madder and madder about work, the Catholic church (why won't they ordain women, anyway!), the poor-hating right wing, the upcoming provincial election, and any old damned thing I could think of, I arrived to find Charlie and M3I waiting for me. They'd been experimenting with a geyser kit(!) - and had two bottles of diet coke and two packs of white mentos all ready to set off when I got home.

You could say my day turned around the moment I walked in our door.

The three of us went outside to the nearby schoolyard - and happened upon a fellow juggling bowling pins. Six of them, I think. Charlie thinks five. Yep, that's right - a fellow was expertly juggling a big bunch of bowling pins, as we walked across the schoolyard to set off a geyser.

As Charlie and M3I unpacked the geyser kit and pop bottles, we realized we'd forgotten a piece of tubing. I ran back across the schoolyard to get it - then, as I returned from grabbing the tubing from inside our place, I saw that the juggler had packed away his bowling pins and was setting up a tightrope between two trees.

Well, we had to watch him tightrope walk just for a bit - then it was geyser time.

Charlie set it up over a sewer grate, stuffed the tubing contraption with mentos, placed it over the open pop bottle, pulled the pin, and POW, CHHHHHHHHHH, up went a glorious brown geyser.

We all tasted what was left of the pop. Totally flat. Mentos still delicious, though.

Going for a long walk to take the edge off

2011-08-31T17:06:00.000-04:00

Gah. I want a raise. I'm feeling churlish because we're endlessly never getting performance and salary reviews and the shiny people are getting promotions on top of promotions.

We worker bees - we're all just so well behaved. And yeah I'm grateful for many things, like so many of the people I'm working with, but there's a fair (haha - pun intended) bit of inequity going on around here with the stars getting drooled over and lavishly praised and remunerated and the worker bees just stay quietly buzzing away in the weeds.

Was it ever thus.

Life Style

2011-08-30T11:25:00.002-04:00

I love this - I lived alone for 13 years. I love the look and the sound and the idea.

Especially, I love that crocheted blanket on her bed - that's the kinda thing I want to make:

A surpisingly productive evening

2011-08-30T08:02:00.000-04:00

Last night, in order to
a) not sit in my usual sideways position (v. difficult, even at the dinner table!), and
b) not read-read-read so compulsively after a full day of looking at text,
I decided it best to stay off the computer.

If you're at all like me, and I know you are, you'd find this amazingly tricky. Try it for just one night.

The past two weeks or so, to end my time online, I've turned off my laptop and coloured with crayons in one of Charlie's old Supadupa colouring books. It's great fun, soothing, and even a bit compulsive, which is what I'm after to ensure I don't sneak back online.

But not going online at all is taking it to the next level. So, as it turned out, instead of being on the computer, reading endlessly as one thing leads to another, last night I:

1. Started crocheting a version of that multicoloured blanket I referred to a few ~~days~~ weeks ago.
2. Listened to Charlie play the piano for 20 minutes (able to engage with child rather than ignoring him).
3. Managed to NOT eat dessert.
4. Lift weights, doing some curls (only 5 lbs, then 2 lbs - hey 5+2 is the weight I want to lose! Coincidence? I think not!)
5. Get Charlie into bed with teeth brushed & flossed on time (before 10pm), and get myself into bed on time as well (before 10:30pm)

I'm looking forward to continuing tonight :o)

I bet you can do it too!

The missing link - and other weird tales of excitement

2011-08-29T12:05:00.000-04:00

In today's exciting news (exciting to me, that is, and mind-blowing to you most likely), I've discovered the cause of my mysterious hip ailment. It came to me with a "pop" the second I woke up this morning. After months of blaming it on my office Aeron chair, my decades old injury from falling off a table, the too-soft bed up at the cottage, spending too much time on the highway driving to the cottage, too much time sitting at my desk, it's actually (duh) the way I sit. Like a modest 50s wife. Comme ça.

This is how I always, always, always sit (the chickie in the pink is my doppelganger, I assure you) - always on the same hip - during the times that I'm not in my office chair, in the car, in bed, etc. It's finally caught up to me, and my body seems to be cementing itself into this position, which is causing me a lot of aches and pains.

So the plan for this week - in addition to the 40 min of exercise, the healthy lunches, the no eating between meals (other than one planned snack of low-fat yogurt and berries), the walking of the nine flights of stairs) is to simply not sit like that.

The weekend's decluttering yield: - this time of a section of Charlie's room - two more boxes of stuff (videos, games, puzzles, stuffed animals) to go to Goodwill - and a box of craft materials for Artsjunktion. Also found the missing link - to the shower curtain.

Jack Layton - what's the big deal? So many people seem to be asking. One commenter on a news site, saying, "Plant him already." Here it is, the big deal, one of the most important reason so many "ordinary" people are so freaking sad about his death: He listened to and courted and paid attention to the powerless - people who are routinely marginalized and overlooked when it comes to funding, helping, or empowering.

The other parties are all about courting the powerful - how come so much all the time? It's the path that's easy - the powerful always want more power, and if you're a politician, they can sure use you and help grease their own wheels, and they grease yours.

Standing up for and listening to and and trying to empower the powerless is the eternally tougher route, but it's the only route that is going to make our society better.

And don't give me any shite about the deficit and the so-called free market. Because the right wing routinely abandons that rhetoric whenever it's convenient - like when they want to pay for a war, for more prisons (for those committing "unreported crimes", or when they dole out corporate welfare.

Light

2011-08-23T09:46:00.000-04:00

And then, in the night, after a day of bad news and some ugliness, I crept into Charlie's room to cover him up. As I left to go back to bed, I heard a loud, long peel of delighted laughter coming from my sleeping boy.

Damn, life is good.

Want to pay tribute to Jack Layton? Embrace social justice

2011-08-22T17:35:00.004-04:00

My feelings of shock of the news from this morning - that Jack Layton has died - has evolved into a need to shout out the messages he stood for. As I rode by his house this morning, I wondered if he was suffering and dying, since we hadn't heard anything from him in quite a while.

In between meetings at work, I've been reading tributes to Jack online - media and personal tributes as well - all over the place. They all call him decent, champion of the underdog, an optimist, and they talk about his humanity, decency, and how committed he was to social justice.

And then in so many of these tributes (so many that it's positively eye-rolling), they say, "though we may not have agreed with him..."

I say, why the hell not? Why do you not agree with him? What's to disagree with?

1. You disagree with his belief in social justice?
Try to tell me that injustice is better then, and live with yourself.

2. You disagree with decent benefits for the unemployed? Like screwing those who've been laid off is better?

3. You disagree with increasing budgets for social services? What, like cutting them is better? Better for who?

If you want to pay tribute to Jack Layton, agree with him. Agree with social justice.

Happy Saturday in the Big Smoke

2011-08-22T08:18:00.000-04:00

Here's the thing I always have to rediscover when decluttering: When I start out on a Saturday morning, I should expect to feel overwhelmed, self-critical, regretful, and just bad, like I've been bad.

Next, I remember that I've not been home on a weekend since mid-June.

And then, my mind starts to clear as I forgive myself, and I isolate just ONE area to sort.

I get rolling.

It gets interesting. Omigoodness, I forgot about this cool, retro tablecloth. Ah, sheesh, I thougth I already got rid of this giant white tablecloth that's too big for our table - into the Sally Ann box it goes. Aw!!! Charlie's Winnie the Pooh costume from his first Hallowe'en. I hung it on a little ladybug hanger from a hook in our closet so M3I and I can look at it and go, "aw" for a while.

The result? Two more boxes for Goodwill and another box for Artsjunktion.

It's a happy ol' Saturday in the Big Smoke.

Found objects and furry joy

2011-08-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

Oh what a beautiful sky we always get after a big storm. It seems funny that it could occur in the same day. In't it pretty out there?

What a great and productive weekend! Lots of time with Charlie, no "work" and lots of found objects and a furry visit.

Who knew I had a full set of watercolour paints? And a box of oil paints, including paint brushes. I think I know where I got them; it might have been a fellow I was dating, oh, let's see, about 14 years ago.

I also found a small stack of unopened mail from last autumn, six beautiful tableclothes - 4 of them charmingly retro, AND a little jewellery-making kit I've been looking for for months.

Such are the pleasures of decluttering, which I got into again this weekend in earnest.

Also, this weekend, I managed to pick up some gloves that didn't sell from the consignment store I had them in (the wonderous Singing Lady). Anna at the shop told me they've only tried selling gloves twice, without success (which means the shop returns them to you, which means you have to part with them twice!), she thinks because they have to fit, and vintage gloves tend to be small. I had four pairs returned to me - one pair, wasn't even mine, I realized once I got home, which makes it easier to pass along.

And Charlie and I went to visit our former neighbour - she saw that I'd planned on visiting the Singing Lady on Saturday, and she lives nearby, and seeing as we'd be in the neighbourhood, we got to see her and her new house.

It's quite a thing, owning a house - especially an older one. It's a great place - beautiful bones, lovely old wood floors, a beautiful claw-foot tub, and a new ikea kitchen and new, tight windows, AND a gigantic back yard. But, the older ones, in addition to their charm, are always money pits - the upstairs isn't insulated. Gah. It was all very seductive, until I heard that. We live very close to the income line, and any blips, even little ones, are troublesome - never mind big ones like that.

I like and appreciate the predictability of the expenses in the life of a renter; I also like that everything is in good shape in this building; it's so very well kept.

The bonus of the weekend: Charlie and I visited my old cat, Linus, who (with his copain, Lucy) went to live at my friend's place when Charlie was a baby, in order to save the lungs of my husband (& father of my child).

Lucy's passed away, and Linus is now 17. But oh joy! I love him. He's still a magnificent cat. See for yourself.

These boots shoes feet were made for walking

2011-08-18T19:18:00.001-04:00

I've been living in this city for almost 26 years now, and today for the first time ever I walked home from the subway station in bare feet.

No fancy reason, no bare-foot philosophy was at play, it's just that after I left the subway station my left foot cramped up quite painfully. I tried walking differently, shook my foot around, but it didn't stop the pain. Then, I just figured since it's a nice warm, dry day, I'd take my left shoe off and see if it helped.

Oh boy. Did it ever.

I walked a ways Deedle-Deedle-Dumpling-style, but then just took the shoe off the other foot to even it out - and because it felt so darn good.

I walked slowly so I could watch for broken glass, but the sidewalk was, overall, warm and smooth. And wonderful. There's an apartment building two blocks away that's on a gigantic block-wide lot with a lawn of cool, soft grass sort of like the stuff you'd have on a golf course green, only longer and therefore softer. My aunt and uncle's property, way up in Katrine when I was a kid, had that type of grass. Me and my brother loved walking on it. In bare feet, of course.

Now I know what they mean, in our national anthem, when they say, "glorious and free."

[Deedle pic from here]

Artful scarf folding

2011-08-16T21:52:00.000-04:00

One of my very favourite websites is The Sartorialist - one day I happened upon his photo of this women - lovely!

Soon after, I happened upon an image of a woman on an 1948-issue Polish zloty bill (which you can also see on my side panels here on this page).

Now, I'd love to know how both of these women fold their beautiful scarves.

Threads of summertime

2011-08-16T21:24:00.001-04:00

Well, hello there!

I've got all kinds of threads of thoughts and ideas in my 'ead this evening, starting with:

My mom cleaned out her yarn collection, rolled it all up, and gave it to me to give to an organization that makes this stuff available to teachers.

However, it's a big bag of f-u-n! And of course I don't want to give it away, despite my decluttering, which has taken a break over the past two months (BUT hasn't stopped! I promise! I've just been away every weekend since mid-June!).

I want to crochet - since I've relearned myself how to - something like this (photo from this page on etsy).

Also: I made a new friend. Who lives at my parents' place. Outside somewhere. Charlie and M3I spent the past two weeks up at the lake at my in-laws, since I had to come back to work - meanwhile I zipped up there on weekends - oh yeah! On the way, I'd stay over at my folks' place, where I got to hang out with a tiny version of Peter Cottontail - and he does actually have a white fluffy tail!

Here he is, hanging out in my mom's garden.

My other happy thread is that I managed to stay down here in the city, alone, without my boys, for two weeks (with the weekend visit up north to reprieve me). I had plans this year, rather than trying to sort old photographs, which is what I did last year, which resulted in my sobbing at 11:30pm on the floor of the bedroom, lonely and wretched. This year, I had friends over, I went for a bike ride and swim at the local outdoor pool, I watched movies (The Invention of Lying - good; and The Social Network - also good). Another night I went to the library and got a giant stack of magazines and lay in bed til midnight reading them. Oh, and I ate sandwiches every night for dinner. No cooking! (Not that I usually cook; M3I does. Yes, I love my life, I do.)

However, one of the sweetest moments of my entire life was such: I arrived up north to the cabin early on Saturday morning - before either Charlie or M3I had woken up. I crawled into the bed in the dark little bedroom, beside my wonderful, precious, handsome, sleepy husband; a few moments later, Charlie got up from his thermarest on the floor and crawled in beside me as well.

After soldiering through those two weeks alone in the city, I was surrounded by love.

Cooling the fires of eternal punishment

2011-07-04T21:15:00.000-04:00

I once read that Katharine Hepburn went for a swim every day in Long Island Sound - year round. Based on my personal experience, I now can tell you with great confidence why -- and at which time in her life -- Ms. Hepburn began this custom. Can you guess? Need a hint?

Never mind, you probably don't even want to know if you're not a 40-something woman, or married to a 40-something woman, with a newfound ability to heat the chilliest of waters with her powerful, demon-sent hot flashes.

Last Friday, I was sitting on the dock up at my in-laws' place (located just a wee bit north of the 45th parallel) enjoying the beautiful 25C degree weather, and the fire started within. Again. Probably for the umpteenth time that day. But unlike the other times, I didn't have to suffer through it because I was sitting over a very conveniently cold lake. I swear you could hear the tssssssss as I immersed myself and the fire was cooled. Gawd, it was nice!

Roughly 12 hours later, I woke up with a big "uh-oh" nighttime flash. Not nice. I hope I don't get more of those. I also hope I don't get these wretched flashes for the next 10 years, or, as I've been hearing as possible, for the rest of my wretched life.

Now I know Katharine Hepburn's secret.

(Image from marilynjohnson.net)

O lord, it 's hard to be humble...

2011-06-30T12:13:00.000-04:00

Yep, still going with all those healthy changes. And, guess what? I've gained 5 lbs. My colleague here says it happens that way - at first, he insists - because your body wants more food. He got that right!

It's icy cold in the office this morning, so I just ran (oh yes, not walked!) the stairs down to L from here on the 9th floor and back up again (with two little rests so I'm not panting like a bulldog as I arrive back into the office). Four weeks ago, I had to rest twice from a slow walking climb - hurrah!

Gorgeous ride into work today - lord-a-mighty, I could hardly stand it, it was so beautiful and sweet. Nice, dry, sunny, cool - perfect.

The slightly amusing fly in the ointment: a guy cut me off while riding his bike while lighting a cigarette while holding his Timmys. Of course when your hands are that busy, you can't brake, amiright?

Soon after, I stopped at a light beside a fellow with an very cool Trek bike with orange-wall tires, gearless and belt-driven rather than chain. So clean and cool-looking! We chatted, and, he says, light and awesome for city riding.

Squirrelly

2011-06-14T21:17:00.000-04:00

Omilord, I'm spent. We've been down two team members for close to two weeks, and though we do have freelance help, I'm feeling the strain.

On top of that, I've made some "healthy" changes to my life. Being a desk jockey with carpal tunnel issues, and watching my estrogen levels ebb away and my waist slowly disappear, and finding some motivation to make a few simple changes, I've followed my new little regime now for almost 2 and a half weeks.

And boy, do I feel great!

*Sarcasm* in my own blog. Being sarastic with my very own self.

Actually, it's partly true. I've stepped up my daily activity to this: every day, every single day without exception, I exercise. Whether it's riding my bike to work, swimming, or going for a speedy walk (but no arm pumping or fancy-walking; it's just part of my commute).

Plus, I have to take the stairs at least once a day. I already avoid escalators religiously (they are Satan to me), but since I work on the 9th floor, it's high enough for some huffing and puffing - and that's the name of the game.

I've become dogmatic about doing my hand-thumb-wrist exercises from my fabulous physiotherapist, and so far, my hands seem okay, even though I'm making the journey all the way downtown, which is a lovely 7.5km journey, but includes a lot of downhill, which is quite hard on me wee anes.

Let's see, what else? I have to eat at least two servings of fruit a day; my wont is to have approximately zero. Oh, and the decluttering. This is the hardest to maintain. When I don't get home from work until 7, and I still want to eat dinner with my fam and help Charlie with his homework, I can't be squirrelling myself away. Or, considering the fact that squirrelling involves gathering and what I'm doing is decluttering, I should say, "desquirrelling."

There's another thing that's been draining my energy beams, but I've already whined enough about it IRL, so I'll leave it at that.

(Actually, I still really feel like whining about it a lot, to the point where I'd like to have several alcoholic beverages, rend some garments, and scream real loud. But I've only got tonic and no gin and I wouldn't actually want to rip any clothing, and, well, the screaming is going to have to wait until I'm no longer quite so spent.)

Goodness

2011-05-24T19:20:00.000-04:00

In my haste to get to work on time this morning, I accidentally left my cycling gloves hanging on the handlebars of my bike, which I locked up outside St. Clair W. station. I didn't even realize I'd forgotten to grab them until I came back to my bike tonight - and there they were - only no longer dangling as I'd left them. Someone had wrapped the straps around the bars and fastened the velcro strips so they wouldn't blow away.

Nice!

My response

2011-05-06T10:29:00.001-04:00

... to Harper's grating, gauling "thank you" to Toronto for giving him a majority.

I sincerely apologize to anyone offended by profanity. I do believe that it is sometimes called for.

Targetted assassination

2011-05-02T20:15:00.000-04:00

In my opinion, targetted assassination is a disgrace, no matter what country carries it out. It's not right when "they" do it, nor it is right when "we" do it. Was there any attempt to capture OBL? From what I have read, the answer is no. A trial would've been too complicated. Justice is complicated. Murder, I guess, is simpler. But it feeds murder. I'm upset about this.

I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

Martin Luther King, Jr

2011-05-01T19:57:00.000-04:00

Charlie and I just got back from The Singing Lady Consignment Emporium. This is big news because it means I have handed over my excrutiatingly chosen-to-part-with china.

Tammie, who is the Singing Lady herself, is a dear old friend I've recently reconnected with (on fb dontchaknow), and she's going to actually put photos of my stuff on her website. To sell!

omigod... breathe...

Plus the stuff will be out in her delightful store where someone at some point, I hope, will happen upon one of the formerly-mine treasures and feel a thrill of delight at discovering the very thing that will make their heart sing.

Speaking of which, heh-heh. I found a beautiful mother's day gift there for my mom. So far, she doesn't know about this blog, so I'll just say it is a beautiful Wedgewood brooch, that has a little loop on the back to convert it into a pendant. So, yeah, I bought something, so what!

The log chute

2011-04-30T21:54:00.001-04:00

Last weekend, I did a bunch of climbing around the formerly old, now restored/rebuilt log chute up in Haliburton. The water was so low, it offered some unique opportunities to get up close to it -- I was able to climb all the way out to the end.

It was Easter, which was lovely, Charlie and M3I were hiking nearby, and I was alone with the log chute. It's one of my favourite places to take pictures. While I was doing just that, I realized it'd been years since I'd been out doing nothing but taking pictures that pleased me.

Speaking of the logging industry, my grandfather was a lumber camp safety inspector.

The end.

Kindness is key

2011-04-19T21:18:00.001-04:00

This past week, my place of work, which I lovingly refer to as Jobsite I, won an award - it's one of the top places to work for in Canada (we're in the top 20 small companies). Pretty cool, eh?

We all had to answer a questionnaire for the award submission. But I'll tell you why our company really won: we get to work with a great bunch of people. My colleagues are smart, fun, kind and supportive, and they care about their work, and they/we care about each other. And I plan to stay there as long as this is true.

Some examples:

This week is extremely busy for me, and at one point today, one of the account people, who'd been sending me urgent proofreads for the past week, came over to my desk. "Whatcha got?" I asked. "Nothing," he said. I looked at him in surprise. "I just came over to thank you for working through all that stuff for us."

See?

Also, my boss, who is also by now a great friend, told me she'd do a big chunk of the work I've got on my plate - over the weekend, if I needed her to. It's her Easter weekend too, right? She offered because she's a seriously wonderfully nice person.

See?

I worked at home for a day and a half last week because of my stomach bug. No fewer than three people asked me today if I was feeling better.

See?

These days are busy and I sure work hard at that place, but it's a good place. (And a damn site better than wretched Jobsite X!)

Rotten frigging disease

2011-04-14T12:10:00.000-04:00

A young woman I work with recently got the bad news - a malignancy. She's facing this with an awesome attitude. And while there's never a great time to get this kind of bad news, it's especially terrifying cuz she's on mat. leave, with a three-month-old baby, her first.

She's having surgery today. Let's hope it produces good news.

A marathon, a revelation, a vow and a craving

2011-04-12T18:06:00.000-04:00

I've just worked a marathon. Came home yesterday part-way through the day, feeling nauseous and rotten. Of course, right off the bat, I thought it had to be stress or some emotional affliction. Funny, I always go there first!

But my tum was upset for real - and workwise I still had reason to think it was stress. I worked on a copydeck for a "website refresh" until 10pm - tho in between had some pasta (food sometimes helps, right?) and helped Charlie with his homework.

Was back up and at it at 7 this morning, figuring I'd do a bit then go to work, but, again, my tum and the proximity of the facilities kept me home. I worked through to 2:30 and seeing that I'd actually done all the work I needed to do - which was an awesome amount - I gently plopped myself into bed and slept for two hours.

The revelation: I can get an insane amount of work done from home.

Fewer distractions and interuptions combined with the necessity of a deadline are great for productivity. I also think that much slower internet service and a small laptop screen help to keep me from the distractions of the wretched WWW.

I feel like I'm read-read-reading compulsively, and I'm therefore vowing to stay off the morbidly attention-getting "'net" during my working hours. Oh yes I am. If I can go through all my magazines and get the keepers down to less than 20, I can stay off the internet for personal reading while at work. If I can actually part with a large chunk of my china, I can do it.

* * * * *

I've got this weird craving for a gin and tonic. I'm thinking since my gut is still gurgling I'd best not give into it.

Charlie's happiness scale

2011-04-09T19:43:00.000-04:00

Charlie loves numbers and measurements; a few days ago, M3I got him an odometre/spedometre for his bike, and he's already ridden 15 km out of the pure joy of racking up the kilometres.

Often on the weekend (a happy time for the three of us), he wants to know what level I'm at on the happiness scale. Now, let me get this right; at the bottom, working upwards: black minus (minus is very important), black, black plus, red minus, red, red plus, yellow minus, yellow, yellow plus, green minus, green, green plus, white minus, white and white plus. It's a very solid mid-white-level day today.

We've played cards, coloured on Doodle Art, gone for a bike ride, gone to the library, then played outside (with more bike ride for Charlie in there too). Now I'm at home waiting for the males to come home from buying a basket ball, listening to Glen Campbell and having a nice chilly gin and tonic in one of Charlie's CN Tower glasses.

Life's precious. As I like to say, these are the good old days we're having right now.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock

2011-03-31T16:26:00.000-04:00

Some days - lots of days - I'm overwhelmed with gratitude at finally arriving in a workplace where I can thrive, learn, grown, and I am surrounded by supportive, kind, smart, wise, talented people.

Other days, I simply cannot get the freaking bloody hell out of here fast enough to get to my home sweet, sweet, goddam sweet home.

Guess which one today is?

Being in my 40s is making me progressively braver in weird ways

2011-03-29T20:34:00.001-04:00

By that I mean weird in a good way. Here's why.

Recently I read something that has resonated with me: "It's not up to me to fit into my clothes. My clothes should fit me."

This wise statement inspired me so much that I boldly moved up a bra size. So what? It's bold, you see, because I'm not going up a cup size, I'm going up a measurement number while going down a cup size. I have a few lovely pretty bras in nice colours that just seem to strangle me unless they're done up on the loosest rung, but I've been too vain to go up the number while actually reducing the cup size.

I found if I stay the smaller measurement, I have to have the bigger cup - but as I said, the circumference stranges me and the bigger cup moulds the b00b into a weirdly aggressive shape I just don't like. It's weird in a bad way. But going up the measurement allows me to go down one cup, which for some reason they at Liz Claiborne seem to have a policy that if it's a C, it's got the weird shape, and if it's a B, the profile is more minimal. The two new fabulous Liz Claiborne bras I bought last Monday are the new size; hence, the new me.

The girls are much happier, I don't feel like I'm vamping around the office, and I no longer have to rip the thing off the moment I come home.

So, let's repeat together: "It's not up to me to fit into my clothes. My clothes should fit me."

The volcano

2011-03-27T20:28:00.000-04:00

Pour the coloured vinegar into the test tube positioned under the pot. The test tube contains baking soda.

Voila! Charlie narrates, as the villagers run for their lives. Oh yeah. Nothin' like being a 6-year-old boy!

Getting in the swim of things

2011-03-27T12:47:00.001-04:00

Just had the best exercise swim I've had in a long time. How many times to I need to be reminded that exercise, for me, is a major mood-enhancing drug? I want and need to feel this way just a leetle bit more often!

So, lunch, and then skating with Charlie. We skate every Sunday (we've only missed one Sunday all winter) and we've managed to hit a huge variety of rinks, including the lake up north. Charlie's gone from clinging angrily to the side or demanding that I hang on to his two hands, to basically being able to skate fast enough to break a sweat. Looking forward to it!

PS: Even better - my friend, who lives nearby & has two daughters called us up, and they joined us for skating & a playdate afterwards. Now M3I has a roast in the oven, and Charlie and I are about to make a volcanic eruption with baking soda, food colouring and vinegar.

These are the good old days.

The best day of the week is today

2011-03-26T18:27:00.000-04:00

Charlie asked me three times this morning why I was smiling. Just one reason, Sonny boy. I'm happy.

We lazed around for awhile this morning as the sun streamed in. I had some coffee, read the paper, Charlie read a book with breaks spent jumping around, M3I slept in.

Around 11, Charlie and I took three more boxes of stuff to Goodwill!!! AND, Charlie and M3I carried all - that's ALL - the rest of the magazines down to the laundry room. Boy, I'm glad it's not me coming across 200 free magazines. I'd be screaching with a combination of joy and indecision.

We of course then had to go into the store, and he got three videos and two books, and I found a diamond-shaped pink and orange paisley scarf plus a long white scarf dotted with green shamrocks.

Next, across the street to our favourite Mr. Sub, and wah! They're closing at the end of the month. The lady there always gives Charlie a free cookie, and the subs are great as is the coffee. But she's happy - they're going to take some much-deserved time off before deciding what to do next.

Okay there's more fun: we just got back from swimming! I'm happy to report that yes, the slide was open.

Everybody's workin' for the weekend. Not.

2011-03-25T17:05:00.000-04:00

I was planning to work this weekend, at least putting in a full 7.5 hour day. I've certainly got the work to do.

But seeing as I started work this morning at roughly 6:15 because I couldn't sleep because I have so much work to do, and seeing as I got a ridiculous amount of writing done today, I'm quite decidedly not putting in said 7.5 hrs. I will, however, do some editing on paper, but I ain't doing nothing on the effing 'puter.

My neck is stiff, my back is sore, and as I look up at the sky out the window here at the office (such lovely big bright windows here at the office), I see that the sky is my very favourite colour of blue.

Ergo, my revised weekend plan:
- go swimming with Charlie and M3I
- go skating with Charlie, and perhaps M3I
- review & edit my 2 documents, on paper, preferably with a beer
- declutter (ongoing)
- do laundry (a must cuz it reduces my stress levels during the week)
- look at the sky

Now, just look at this glorious forecast!

PS: anybody watch the 50th Anniversary of The Nature of Things with David Suzuki! Wa'nt it great? You can watch it online AND you can watch the very first ep of the show.

PPS: This Twisted Sister song has been running in my 'head all afternoon. Might be why I'm no longer planning to work all weekend. Do take a listen. It's just fun.

A totally weird gem

2011-03-24T11:57:00.000-04:00

I received this message this morning from a friend who's doing some traveling in India:

"You are not going to believe this. My second day in Delhi, I took the new metro and had to change lines at a major station, tons of people, and bumped directly into Suzy-Q Mutual Friend*!!! What are the odds? There are about 14 million people in Delhi!"

Indeed, there are times when I love this crazy old world.

*not her real name.

A small gem

2011-03-24T09:12:00.000-04:00

I got off the subway this morning, saw that the escalator was closed, and grumbled to myself because in such cases the platform is dangerously crowded and slow as we all try to cram up the stairs while other folks are trying to climb down them.

However, this morning, just as I got near the staircase, the escalator guy turned on the escalator and removed the gate, right in front of me! I and my fellow passengers gratefully scampered up.

I thought to myself, I must remember this; it does work out very nicely sometimes.

W8

2011-03-23T21:41:00.000-04:00

Okeydoke. Push has come to shove and I've joined W8 Watchers Online once again. At this point, it's really not about the number on the scale. It's about how all my wonderful new (and new to me) clothes are fitting. Cuz I do want to look nice but I also really really want to stay comfortable and not have my cool zipperless jeans digging into my mid-section.

In other news: bye-bye to beautiful, breathtaking, bawdy Elizabeth Taylor.

Seven things to like about today

2011-03-22T20:39:00.000-04:00

1. I'm all refreshed because of my 4-day weekend.

2. Got a massage at work today. Yep, at work. Every now and then, the company hires some RMTs to give us massages. Miriam concentrated on my neck (my goodness you have a lot of tension here) and my hands. Bliss!

3. I wore my aqua tank top. The fun part: I slept in it on Saturday night. See, that makes me laugh inside. My own little thumbing of the nose to the corporate culture. Otherwise, I looked extremely appropriate in my smart midnight brown three-button new jacket from Sally Ann. I really needed something to show so it didn't look like I was naked under my smart jacket.

4. Macaroni and cheese for dinner. President's Choice. It's delicious!

5. A cheque in the mail from Bell. Apparently they overcharged a whole bunch of people at one point, which is rotten, but we really need the money this month.

6. M3I and Charlie did groceries today after school and they bought Honeycomb! (Apparently there's a new controversial taste to it, which is presumably different from what I grew up with. However, I'm chomping away on it at the moment and it tastes pretty darn good to me.)

7. There may be an election if the federal budget is voted down. This may turn out to be a disaster cuz Michael Ignatieff & Co. would likely win if Harper & his motley crew do win, and Michael Ignatieff is hardly a vast improvement. That being said, it would be a bit of an improvement. Plus, I'd like to see another minority gov't be the thing that makes Harper resign. Oh yeah!

Peace, tower

2011-03-21T23:00:00.000-04:00

I had a day off today. A me day. No plans, no ambition, just a day off (bought 2 Liz Claiborne bras at Sears, had a piri-piri chicken sandwich, watched 30 Rock while eating popcorn, then had a 2-hour nap). This, after a wonderful weekend in our nation's capital to visit my brother and sister and law and my nieces and nephew (which includes a glorious 2-week-old baby daughter). Plus, we got to visit some dear old friends.

Charlie played with his cousins pretty much the whole time, which was awesome because he's a shy lad and it's so great to see him so relaxed. We got to hang out in the hot tub (I got a bit too relaxed - perhaps too much wine), we went to the National Art Gallery, walked over to Parliament Hill, and had drinks at the Chateau Laurier (I had a Manhattan!).

And on the way back to the gallery on one of the most beautiful days of the year, I took this photo of the Peace Tower :o)

Now here's the mini with the real:

Vice becomes virtue

2011-03-17T19:13:00.000-04:00

In the office this morning, as I was zipping from one meeting to the next (strange; I never used to go to meetings), a senior veep type person called my name, and told me there was a rumour that I played FarmVi11e, and was it true? I said, it was indeed true, though my farm had lain somewhat fallow of late. (Clever answer, no?)

For potential business reasons, said veep person wants to talk to someone who knows the ins and outs of Farmvi11e. Who the heck would've ever thought that answering "yes" would be the right answer?

Trying not to be Ted Baxter

2011-03-15T21:58:00.000-04:00

I've been a bit of a fried egg sandwich lately. Have a few issues with stress. But nothing to worry about. (Ha. Get it?) Working too much, not saying no enough. Plus I'm doing some work in a new area - so I'm lacking subject matter expertise. Learning new stuff is fun and exciting, and I like the new team a lot, but it's bringing back those old feelings of being insecure at good ol' Jobsite X.

Plus I've had to cancel (postpone, shurely) our annual trip out west (flights are too $$$), which means I won't be seeing my youngest brother and my niece this spring, which makes me just plain bloody sad.

On the good side of the ledger, I've been successfully working away at decluttering. Still stressful, yes, but also enjoyable. Finding cool stuff I'd forgotten about, getting all my favourite china set up and on display, sending the Sally Ann stuff to Sally Ann, and getting the Singing Lady stuff organized and packed away.

Plus, I'm finding it's just a little easier to keep things neater and cleaner in the household lately. Actually, in the interest of full disclosure, I seem to be cleaning - at least on the weekends - a bit frenetically.

Again, on the good side of the ledger, I think I'm working through what I need to, stresswise, workwise, and clutterwise.

As for handling people at work properly in order to reduce stress thing, I have to say no to people I like. I have to. I can't work all the time. But it's hard because I want to please, I aim to please, and I'm also insecure enough that if they go and ask someone else to do their bit of writing or editing, they might decide they like that other person's work better. (See episode of Mary Tyler Moore when it was discovered why Ted never took a vacation.)

Advice for others dealing with late winter funk-slash-stress-overload: do be empathetic to the citizens of Japan and New Zealand, and all the other peoples of the world that are enduring struggle. But do not watch news footage of disaster. You cannot and should not take it upon yourself to feel the pain of the earth.

Postscript to the continuing story of the ashtray

2011-03-02T08:50:00.000-05:00

My brother wants it!

AND he also wants the set of 8 Irish coffee glasses!

Hurrah!

AAAAARRRRGGHHH!!!!!!

2011-03-01T19:41:00.001-05:00

Look at what I just found hiding in the closet:

If I'm not mistaken, they look a little sheepish in there. Taunting, even. Ha-ha, you missed us! We know you love us and would never part with us, so we hid! Ha-ha!

Oh, and looky here at the mag on the top of the pile - first one I pull out. Just look.

Look again.

See? They're taunting me!

Ugh. Decluttering is a process. Decluttering is a process. Decluttering is a process.

Know when you need to stop and eat

2011-02-28T12:50:00.003-05:00

Here's what I did after crying over the ashtray:

Looked at the clock, saw it was after 2 pm, realized I hadn't had any lunch, and recognized that I had been hauling out and washing and deciding on stuff for several hours and that maybe it was time to a) eat and b) stop.

So I cleared a place to eat at the dining room table, quickly reheated some leftovers so I could get to the eating, and dined while reading the Sunday paper. Then M3I and Charlie came home and I took Charlie skating, then we went to a coffee shop after, and came home on the subway and bus (fun for Charlie!).

As we went around the rink, I felt differently about the old ashtray, now that I was out in the world, watching my lad slowly master the art of skating. I'm not a little kid in the old family room, ignorant of the traumas of the world. I'm a strong, healthy, productive, kind and loving middle-aged woman. I have a good life and a lovely family and a nice gradually-becoming-less-cluttered home.

So when Charlie and I got to that home, I emailed my brother - who has a lot more space - and asked him if he'd like the ashtray. If he doesn't want it, I'll ask my bro who lives out west. If neither want it, it's going to goodwill. I mean I don't even know how long I've had the thing packed away in my boxes. I don't remember my folks' giving it to me. I have 8 zillion other little dishes and bowls that are more attractive.

I think it's important to realize that this decluttering thing is a process. I can't get through the hardest part of the process - my china - all in one day. (I'd also planned to vacuum and clean the main bathroom. Righty-ho!) It's hard work. It's also emotional work, and I have to recognize that when I'm overwhelmed to the point of weeping (plus I needed FOOD), it's time to stop.

But I'm plugging away, right? I've been at this for weeks now. I'm on it. Bit by bit, I'm getting there, and I'm making it easier to stay on top of all this stuff in our lives going forward.

This item has me in a panic

2011-02-27T14:14:00.001-05:00

This ashtray sat on the end table in our family room throughout my entire happy childhood. The family room is part of my soul. My parents didn't smoke, so this item usually just held this and that - usually gum.

Getting rid of it is making me cry. I'm not joking.

I have nowhere to put it - other than in my now-empty top drawer of my dresser. Which doesn't exactly seem like a healthy location, since this process is NOT about hiding stuff; it's about looking at it. M3I doesn't want it around because it's an ashtray.

But sometimes an ashtray isn't just an ashtray.

The decluttering continues - and it's not for the faint of heart

2011-02-27T11:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm at a really hard stage. I've had these boxes of my china and glassware in the dining room for a few weeks now. It had been hidden away filling up Charlie's bedroom closet for six years. So, I hauled it out and unpacked most all of it, and chose my favourites to put on display in our two cabinets. And I've been doing some great work, sending lots of stuff to goodwill and into recycling and into the trash. But I know I've been dancing around these boxes because I know it's going to be hard.

This process is about really looking at things, and not just skimming the surface and saying, ah whatever. You know, over the years, I've become quite adept at packing a vast quantity of stuff into small spaces. I've prided myself on being able to accomodate anything new (or found or discovered or given to me/us) bu packing the other stuff away even more efficiently.

And now the china is OUT where I can see it.

The problem is that there's lots of precious beautiful lovely stuff left over that won't fit in either of the two, count 'em two, cabinets. If I hadn't bought Aunt Leah's gorgeous 93-piece white and gold china set three years ago at auction, I'd have plenty of room. In theory, anyway. But thing is I love that china too, and we actually use it. We didn't register for china for our wedding, nor did we ask for any.

Sidebar for people planning a wedding:
Don't register for china or try to buy any! There are so many, many, many stunning, lovely, beautiful, expansive sets available out there at antique shops, shows and malls, not to mention auction houses (keep going, you'll find a set you love). I got my set, which includes a whole bunch of serving pieces, including three platters, for $180 - about the cost of one platter, new. It's slightly worn, since Leah used it and was a wonderful cook, it makes me a lot less hysterical about using it. Plus the wornness gives it a lovely tactile smoothness, plus you can think of all the delicious holiday meals of the past. (See what I mean about the meaning of things?)

Here's all my Leah china. It's Limoge, which isn't one of the fanciest names in China, but it's really nice.

Okay, now I've got to stop shillyshallying in front of the computer.

Back to the business at hand.

Magazines

2011-02-26T17:41:00.002-05:00

Anybody who's known me a lot time - and anybody who has ever helped me move - knows I have a thing for magazines. Which translates to I have a lot of 'em.

Before M3I and I moved in together a decade ago, I had two piles of mags (not including the ones in my to-be-read and my to-be-reread pile and also not including the ones on the back of the toilet and the ones on the coffee table in the living room). Both piles were just a bit higher than my dresser. So, let's see, that was two piles (excluding the above-mentioned) of 36 inches (roughly 90 cm), or one stack 6 feet high.

Slowly over the years I've been whittling away at it. Anticipating Charlie's birth, I gave up one of my bookshelves. A lot of magazines went out the door at that time. And over the years, I've gotten a wee bit better at... well, I was going to say better at not letting them accumulate, but that's not quite it. I haven't bought as many. For one, I'm busier in my off-hours than I was when I was single, plus we live really close to a public library, and I can binge on print for free, and then I have to give the stack back.

But now, I'm really decluttering. And it's having to include magazines. For example, two weeks ago, I was able to get rid of (which means putting down in the little reading room adjascent to the laundry room) a good size pile.

But since then, I've noticed the stack on the back of the toilet is getting too tall to fit my little travel bag on top of it (there's a shelf above), and I noticed there's a stack beside my bed, plus a milk crate full of them in the bedroom closet, plus one of the bookshelves in that close was also stacked with them.

Today I'm going to boil it down to the essentials. My goal is one stack that will fit in that spot under my travel bag. And it has to include the Style at Home and the Canadian Geographic I got in the mail yesterday. In short, it has to be One Stack, and that's all. Like I want to have fewer magazines that most normal people would have in their home, like in a magazine rack.

Not only that, Charlie and I are also going to sort his art materials, and go tobagganing. Wish me luck!

***

Okay, I'm back.

Here's what's left - and I mean really left. This is all. There are none in the walk-in closet in the bedroom and none on the floor in the bedroom and none in the ensuite (M3I has some in the bedroom, but I ain't gettin' rid of his (yet)). There are none in the living room. There are none under the bed or beside the bed. Just these, on the dining room table.

I got rid of:
Esquires (including anniversary editions),
People,
Canadian Geographic,
New Yorker,
New York magazine (including anniversary editions),
Toronto Life (including anniversary editions),
Harpers (including an anniversary edition from 1952),
Natural Home,
The Economist,
Us,
Bust,
More,
Our Canada,
In Style,
BBC Homes & Antiques,
ROM magazine,
Equinox,
Chatelaine,
MoneySense,
Today's Parent,
Style at Home,
Vogue,
Canadian House & Home,
and last but not least Shameless!
(I was going to link them all, but I gotta have a shower - we're actually going out for dinner!)

So, ta-dah!

This is all that's left.

That's it.

*applause?*

One wheeled therapy

2011-02-25T16:15:00.000-05:00

I was blogging quiet inside my head this morning (a process formerly known as thinking) about how burnt out I was feeling. Lately I've been doing a gigantic amount of frenzied copywriting and tweaking, while rushing to attend various meetings announcing Very Exciting New Projects(TM) that will require more clever copywriting.

As I walked up the hill, snow fell all around me. I'm still coming in early, so it was quiet and a bit gloomy. *Sigh*

Just then, from between two apartment buildings, a jaunty fellow appeared, wearing a tweed newsboy cap, scarf and backpack, and he was riding a unicycle.

I have to say, I felt a zing of delight, and my gloom was gone.

Getting the worm

2011-02-24T08:04:00.002-05:00

I had a small revelation last Friday.

Typically, I sleep until around 7:15, which had been creeping along to 7:30 and sometimes even 7:40. Last Friday, I had to attend a workshop at a hotel roughly 40 minutes away -- and registration and breakfast was scheduled for 7:30. Argh.

I was dreading this rude adjustment to my comfy sched, which was increasingly frequently excluding a shower - a) for lack of time, b) lack of desire to wash, and c) the water pressure stinks in the morning.

To make it easier, I (cleverly) set the timer on my coffee maker for 6:30 to help ease the grumpiness that I knew would ensue. The heady scent of the morning coffee and the promise it held would surely motivate me to get out of bed at that unearthly hour.

And a new addiction was born.

Yes, the coffee worked! That soft burbling sound made me even a bit cheerful! And in M3I's fabulous vault-like travel mug, the stuff stayed warm - in the freezing cold car - even until after the workshop!

Plus, the water pressure in the shower is fab. Who knew a shower could be so wonderful?

So all this week (well, not Family Day Monday, obvs), I've been getting up early, getting to work early (lawd, it's busy at werk), having time to match my jewelry properly to my outfit. And, today, since I'm not going in early cuz I take Charlie to choir on Thursdays, I'm sipping my coffee and blogging.

I wonder if it's part of the decluttering trend? Feels like it a bit. We'll see. But it feels good!

I am positively chuffed!

2011-02-22T20:09:00.000-05:00

A gift was bestowed upon me today! Thank you Lynne. You totally made my day.

Meet Penelope, the empathetic Monster, surrounded by a homespun hand-knitted scarf.

Emo crayon set

2011-02-17T10:06:00.002-05:00

Swim With The Shallow: The Loneliest Crayon

I stumbled upon this website this morning via this tweet. Take a look - it'll make you snort & chortle at your desk!

Swim With The Shallow: The Loneliest Crayon: "EP"

One of the treasures I've unearthed

2011-02-16T12:32:00.001-05:00

How are things in guacamole?

I found this great card this weekend - a keeper. I got this way back in college from a dear friend (who remains a dear friend). She was in the States, I was up here, and we hadn't been in touch in awhile. All she did was sign it, with love. No big messages, no OMG I haven't heard from you why haven't you written, just this fun little message that told me she was thinking about me.

Decluttering is like panning for gold

2011-02-14T16:35:00.000-05:00

That little red book is still working on me: I sorted through a rubbermaid bin containing 30 years' of cards and letters this weekend. And discarded into the recycling bin about ninety percent of it. What's left fits into a manila envelope.

The book is working some magic on me for two reasons:
1. In terms of typical motivations for keeping stuff, I discovered I have much in common with problem hoarders; this scared the hell out of me;
2. The authors presented a truly workable mindset: getting rid of birthday and graduation cards from Dziadek or Granny or Auntie Helen doesn't mean I'm getting rid of them or my memories of their love, or what they stood for in my life.
3. Plus the book presented cases of some lovely, intelligent people who successfully got rid of all kinds of emotionally laden stuff and were happier for it. This reassured me that they were not riddled with regret at having parted with their treasures, as I've feared I would be.

How I got rid of so much emotionally loaded stuff this weekend
Don't bother reading if this isn't an issue for you. And don't mock or make fun. It's serious. You don't know what it's like to be me. (Hmm, she's a bit defensive, no?)

Because I tend to attach a lot of meaning to things (including cards, books, letters, articles, clothing, jewelry, knickknacks, magazines, teacups, and antiquey items, especially if they're made of wood), I'll admit it was a tough, emotional slog.

I did it through a combination of sorting and dumping. I allowed myself to keep just my absolute very favourite cards and letters. Going along, I sorted each "keep" into alphabetical order - so as to keep track of, say, how many of Granny's cards I'm keeping - but dumped the obvious "don't keeps" right away (which meant stuffing a bunch into a recycling bag and a to-be-shredded bag so they weren't staring at me reproachfully).

It soon became clear that I didn't have to keep all 15 birthday cards from my grandmother - so I've kept my favourite one, the one I actually remember receiving, that she signed with, "Good luck! Good Health! Much happiness! Much love!"

Pretty cold eh? No, no, I'm still me. Plus nobody's saying get rid of the entire contents of your home - you need to be engaged and use your brains and judgement. Being willy nilly about it is NOT being in control of your stuff. Making conscious intelligent decisions IS.

Back to the cards from Granny. In addition to that one card I've chosen to keep, I have some special items of hers that I received after she passed away which I actively treasure, like a purple rhinestone necklace, a pair of green and silver embroidered silk shoes and a pair of soft white kid gloves - all of which fit me perfectly and have value to me outside the sentimental. The individual cards I had from her in storage for 30 years I'd mostly forgotten about - except for that one with the message that made me smile.

For those of you who are wanting to do this, to get rid of all this "stuff", try to just pick your favourite things. Then sort those favourites to keep your absolute favourites. Gently, kindly, let the rest go

And to get you excited about it, I have to stress to you how fun it is. Yep, it's tough, but it's like panning for gold. You are shaking out the detritus that's weighing down your life and you're keeping only the best. You're in control.

How to get zero hits on your blog

2011-02-14T14:46:00.002-05:00

It's a first! This obviously isn't a hugely read blog, but I managed to get precisely zero hits last week.

Should you aspire to such depths, I suggest "orthodontic appliances" as a worthwhile topic. If you want to go into negative numbers with your readers deleting previous visits to your blog, take a photo of them and post it too. (M3I begged me to just throw away the appliances and don't for the love of god let Charlie see them. Charlie is clearly going to need braces and we don't want the site of my old ones to give him nightmares.)

You want a lot of blog hits, you could try something like, "how I broke up Ryan and Scarlett's marriage". (Ha-HA! Wouldn't you like to know what we get up to here in the Great White North!)

Gleep

2011-02-05T19:55:00.003-05:00

Oh dear sweet lord, I just found my orthodontic appliances. Yes, in the top drawer of my dresser, which I'm cleaning out for the first time in *cough cough*.

Three sets; each designed to space my young palate and jaw in a different way to accomodate my many, many teeth in my small, small mouth. I had a series of these mouthpieces over nine years. The only thing I liked about them was that they weren't train tracks*. I had an unholy fear of getting train tracks.

The last time I wore an appliance was 1982.

*The reason I didn't get train tracks was that my dentist didn't believe in pulling permanent teeth to create space. He was convinced it ruined kids' profiles, and I know what he means. Lots of kids in my high school, lots!, had their second bicuspids removed by their orthodontists, and definitely got a slightly sunken upper lip as a result. Can you tell I spent a lot of time at the dentist's office? Over those nine years, I went to the dentist to get the appliance cranked, or to have impressions taken, or to have baby teeth removed. Full disclosure: I find dentistry to be quite fascinating** (which is only one reason why I kept my appliances), and also my mom worked for several dentists over many years.

**Last time I went to the dentist (December), the hygienist told me about a friend of hers who is a dental anthropologist - an amazing field of science. After I mumbled an enthusiastic wow, she said to me, now don't get excited, my friend hardly makes any money at all. She can look at your molars and tell you what part of the world your ancient ancestors came from, but she hardly makes anything for it.

Destuffing

2011-02-05T18:43:00.003-05:00

I'm doing it! I've had the stuffing knocked out of me, and now I'm actually really and truly, earnestly getting rid of a significant quantity of my stuff.

My personal catalyst? A fabulous book, called, well, Stuff - Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, by Randy O. Frost and Gail Steketee.

What a promising title, I thought! The Meaning of Things - right up my alley. I'm am a person who assigns a great deal of meaning to my things.

The wonderful thing about this book, which has *bing* turned on a big lightbulb in my brain, is that it showed me that I'm not the only one who holds onto stuff because:
- I want to hold onto the feeling an item gives me
- I want to remember what things were like during the time said item first came into my posession (or was published)
- I feel sorry for the item because if I get rid of it, it'll know I don't want it and it'll somehow feel bad (yeah, I know it sounds nutty to people who don't feel this way, but to me, it's real)

More reasons I hold onto stuff:
- the person who gave me the item or card has passed away
- the person who gave me the item will pass away someday
- the person who gave me the item may come over one day and demand to see evidence that I've hung onto it

And even more reasons that I hold onto stuff:
- the item might come in handy when I start sewing/crafting/painting/knitting/crocheting/cardmaking/gourmet-cooking/having-big-dinner-parties/having-dainty-tea-parties/doing-mosaics/writing-a-novel
- if I run out of things to do I can sort through my stuff
- if I run out of things to read, I can read all those magazines and old notes and essays and articles
- I don't have time to sort through everything
- I'm looking forward to sorting through everything and I want to postpone that enjoyment
- I'm overwhelmed by the thought of sorting through everything

People, whether they have big hoarding issues or not, hold onto stuff for a zillion different reasons.

A lot of stuff I've kept is from my single days when I lived alone. I lived on my own for roughly 13 years, and sometimes I was lonely and sometimes I was bored, and somewhere along the line I had a terrifying 6-week bout of clinical depression, and having this stuff around - and tucked away - made me feel cozier, like I wasn't alone. A bit of agorphobia thrown in, and you've got an anxious chick who gets comfort from having stuff.

Plus, there've been things I can recall getting rid of and then, OMG!, regretting. A pink wool cardigan and an old, very cool issue of New York magazine from the 80s, just for starters (actually those are the only two things I can think of).

Here's the part that made the lightbulb turn on:
This marvelous book, Stuff, showed me that there are a whole freaking bunch folks out there who have a LOT more stuff than I do, and much more intense issues with parting with it.

And they have successfully divested themselves of it, and NOT felt bereft, empty, lonely, sad, or regretful. They're happier.

I'm prepared to face a few more regrets. I feel strongly that it's part of the territory. But if the folks in the book can do it, so can I.

I want to enjoy our little home more. I'm embarassed by all my stuff. We don't have goat paths, but I've been hanging onto a number of cardboard boxes full of magazines, china, etc. Plus my stuff is weighing me down, and I've lost some items that I just know are in this place somewhere, and it's just time to do it. I'm finally ready.

Here's what I've decided to discard since I finished the book:

- A whole bunch of my china to sell at The Singing Lady Consignment Emporium, run by a dear friend of mine.

- A ton of just plain old stuff, including some books and clothes, to send to Goodwill.

- A big stack of magazines to go downstairs in the building's laundry room (it has a reading room).

- Roughly 10 old work notebooks, and an 18-inch-high stack of paper, including old stuff I've written, magazines I've been published in (like, who needs 5 copies of the Financial Post Corporate Elite?), and notes.

Charlie even found my old mood ring, which he and I have been looking for for weeks. It was in a flowered metal tea tin curiously located in the hinterland that is my top dresser drawer. It seems I haven't actually removed anything from that drawer in about 20 years, judging by its contents.

I'm doing it. Stay tuned.

Forty-seven minus one

2011-02-04T19:16:00.003-05:00

Hoo-boy, what a week, eh? As I was packing up my stuff to leave the office at the end of the day today, my techie colleague who sits in front of me asked me for my opinion: he was going out to buy his mom a birthday present; he had something in mind, but wasn't sure.

How old's your mom, I foolishly asked.

Uh, 46. Says he.

Whassat? Forty-six? My work colleague's MOTHER is turning FORTY-BLEEPING-SIX?

And so it begins.

Al Jazeera English

2011-02-01T19:21:00.004-05:00

I didn't know it was so easy to get Al Jazeera English - live streaming online. Kewl!

And at the moment, on As it Happens on CBC Radio, they're talking about the fact that the U.S. won't let AJE broadcast. At all! Holy keerap!

If you're in the States, try the link above and let me know if you get anything.

Plus, you can get some excellent reporting on world issues from Democracy Now. Seriously, I've never heard a better interviewer than Amy Goodman. She is a true journalist. Most will treat the powerful with kid gloves, but Amy's a total pro.

Golden slumbers - redux

2011-01-28T09:27:00.002-05:00

My brain and spirit this morning are both still in bed, glorious bed.

I wasn't so rudely awoken today. Instead, Charlie called out at, oh, about 7:20, so I called to him to crawl in with us. He occasionally does this, which is nice except he's a major-league wiggle worm.

This morning, however, he instantly fell asleep, curled up against my back, his hand on my side.

Ooooooh, sweet bliss!