Sunday, September 22, 2013

Laid off, canned, dumped, kicked to the curb

On Thursday morning, my boss came over to me, looking sad and upset. "The president wants to meet with you right now. I have to come with you."

I walked with her, asking her to just say yes or no, was I being fired? Yes.

"I've decided your role is no longer required," he said. Whatever that means.

Since that moment, I've had a lot of support and encouragement from friends and family. I have also had a nice busy weekend, but I gotta say, being dumped sucks big time. I've given the company a hell of a lot of my energy, enthusiasm, dedication, productivity - I even helped them win an award, and on and on. I'm very, very, very pissed. It would have been horrible, of course, if my whole team was dumped, but the fact is that it was just me.
The day you're fired is fine - you run on adrenaline and fury. It's the next few days that are hard. I'm fighting very hard to not sink into depression. I can tell it's right there. The second I'm not moving, the minute I put a book down and my thoughts are allowed to surface, I feel that rotten flatness and deadness surfacing.

I know all the stuff about how it's good to have a change, a rest, new opportunities and all that stuff, but I've been welcome at that company for 18 years - a huge part of my life. And now my livelihood is cut off, my benefits will soon be cut off, and I can't just walk in and talk to one of my good friends, many of whom work there. I've got to try to get interviews at the age of 50, I've got to endure tests, write odious cover letters, network, ugh.
Gee. Do you think I've reached the anger stage yet?