Wednesday, February 11, 2009

In the confessional

I'm just not fully engaged today. Sleepy, tired, hungry, and I was trying to convince myself I'm just bored.

But I'm not truly bored, I'm stressed.

There's a major project here that's been going off the rails for a long time, and it's about to come my way, but not in a way that'll let me manage it. I'll just be pushing the process just like my colleague has been doing for the past year with no success. The only way anything will change is if someone else takes over the project. Which is what I think the solution is because the person managing it is having great difficulties keeping it on track; just an example: there's been no schedule for over a year. Publishing needs a schedule.

The stress? I really, sincerely like the sweet and lovely person who is currently drowning with this project. I'm worried that my professed willingness to take over the project will harm this person because it might make it more obvious to the biggies that she can't handle it.

Plus anything I might express, frustration-wise, about the state of this project could result in her being criticized. And I was so intensely criticized at Jobsite X, I can hardly stand the thought of being responsible, directly or indirectly, for criticism of someone else.

PS: Two people here have been fired in the past week. Not layoffs, firings. Heads are rolling. Expressing frustration about someone's work could be really bad for them.

Ok. Now that I've completed my confession I better do my penance and get back to work.

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