All that torment and anxiety over leaving freelance and working full-time - nightmares about feeling trapped, trembling at the thought of working every day in one place for YEARS and YEARS, missing Charlie so much it hurt - it all comes to this: there is nothing I want more right now than to be offered a full-time job at the place I'm freelancing, which I'll call Jobsite I.
I first started at Jobsite I in October of 1995. I was 32 years old, and had just spent five years working for a small group of science guys. The work there was fun and engaging, but I was lonely working alone, and Jobsite I looked like it'd be a friendly place. The company at that time had about 15 employees, and everyone ate lunch together at a big table in the middle of the room. I wanted to make friends, and I sure did. A huge number of the people I've worked with there over the years have became my friends - old friends now. I'd been working there almost five years when I went to my boss's housewarming party and, in her kitchen, met my husband.
The first time I quit, I was just bored. Not being a large company, there weren't a whole lot of different positions to do. Then after a few years of freelancing, an interesting position came up there, so I went back. I got pregnant roughly six hours after accepting the job offer, so ended up leaving again after about 40 weeks, then went back to freelance after my mat. leave so I could freelance and spend more time with the baby.
And, so here I am. I've been working there now every day for two months, and it's just been great. There are no job openings there right now. But there's a mat. leave coming up, so I will apply for it. However, if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit the job I really want to do there isn't one that's available.