Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Two wheels mean bliss

I got out on my bike today! 
Not all the way to work of course, not on the first day out, but to the first subway stop. Ultimately it's going to be tougher riding to the new place even though it's actually about a kilometre closer than the TD centre because I'll be going mostly uphill to work where before I was sailing down - all my big freelance clients were downtown. Going uphill in the morning will definitely be a bigger psychological hurdle, but I'm counting on the allure of promised mood-enhancing endorphins to keep me cycling as often as possible.
I enjoyed my last morning of semi-solitude at the office today. Then grunchy 20-something returned in the pm, grunted in response to my (when will I learn) greeting and turned to her computer. A few minutes later, Boss walks in, and it's a great big, "Oh, hiiiiiii, how are youuuuuuu?" Sigh. I'm supposed to be so experienced and mature at this point I should be above annoyance on matters such as these, but sadly, I'm not. She probably doesn't even realize she's doing it - (just read this link if you want to make yourself queasy) managing up, toad eating, arse-k*ss*ng, whatever you wanna call it. 
Being treated as an obvious "lesser" makes me paranoid, and makes me feel like I'm hopelessly old, uncool, behind the times, and defensive. Makes me feel like Grunch must be thinking, OMG, she's nearly 20 years older than me and she reports to my boss's underling! Why, I must rock; she must not; and surely her opinion of me will have no impact on my career! 
My brother's advice was to a) think of the $ and b) become emotionless when I'm there; just tell myself, who cares? It's not worth getting upset over! Hard though when I spend 8.5 hours a day there (or near there if I go for a walk at lunch).
All that being said, I was so crabby with Charlie last night I'm thinking I'm having a more typical hormonal mood swing. More typical as in the old fecund days.
But the bike ride on this beautiful cold sunny morning made me happy, and the knowledge that I didn't have to worry about missing the bus on the way home -- I could just hop on my bike whenever I got to it -- made me happy whenever I thought of it during the day.
PS: Judy Gerstel and the usually wonderous Antonia Z. wrote a bit about menopause in the Toronto Star on Tuesday I think it was. It was a little humourous, and nice to see the topic covered in the newspaper in a lighthearted way. But also dumb. J. Gerstel says, 
"And maybe I've just been lucky with menopause but I think women make too much about the symptoms [!!!] Like pregnancy, it's temporary. [my GP says it could go on for 10 yrs, eh] ...C'mon, toughing it out isn't so terrible."
Not helpful, Judy. And one of my favourite things about pregnancy was NO PMS! Yeah!
My current subway reading is a book called The Confidence Woman - 26 Women Writers at Work (Eve Shelnutt, editor). In an essay called "Junk" by Hilda Raz, she quotes Marie Jenney Howe writing about George Sand [hmm, makes me think of the telephone game; how likely is this we all got the quote right? But I liked it, so...], 
"When George Sand was normal she did her work. Whenever she lost her poise she wrote a journal... When her emotions upset her life she got rid of them in writing..."
Makes sense to me!
Tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful again, and the sun keeps melting the ice at the side of the road. Can't wait to hop on my bike.

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