Friday, March 28, 2008

Funk redux

Redux: I love that word. I'm definitely having good days and bad days, funkwise -- today being a good day. And so far that day last week was the worst.

My husband’s being v. supportive, and while I'm not planning on quitting anytime soon, he's totally supportive if I decide to, which is actually very helpful in making me less trapped. And feeling trapped is one of my major issues (other than hormones).

Physically, at the office I am rather trapped. I'm in the corner of an L, with people on either side of me and a little round meeting table is right behind my chair; people keep leaving the chairs pulled out (which, don't worry, I keep pushing in), and I'm always dodging them whenever I get up to go to the printer. Plus I see no daylight, especially when the two people in the outer offices have their doors shut. (I just put up a little mirror; I can catch a bit of daylight now out of my left eyeball).

Funny what seems like a little thing can turn into a huge thing when you realize you have to come here every day, and the idea that I could be coming here for YEARS just piles up in my brain sometimes. I remind myself though that in the working world, people's desks get moved rather frequently, so you never know.

Every day now on the bus when I pass the stop where I "had to" get off, I think, hmm, I'm okay and I don't have to get off. But the fact that I did actually get off and go home last week makes me feel freer.

I'm giving it 3 months to start with. Then I'll give it another 3 months, etc. The major thing is that it’s good money, and we need it. Of course, the fact that the money’s good also makes me feel more obligated to not quit.

And today, the weekend lies ahead. Happy Friday!

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